Bray People - - NEWS -

WELL that’s it for another year! It’s all over bar the shout­ing as my lo­cal butcher has been telling me for the past week! The Tree is up, the presents are wrapped, the fridge is stocked and I’ve marked off the pro­grammes I want to watch just like my Granny used to do with the Ra­dio Times. Christ­mas has of­fi­cially ar­rived.

To be fair, Christ­mas ar­rived in our house about three weeks ago when we scourged the first tin of He­roes! Once the choco­late stock was de­pleted we moved onto the wine, de­cid­ing that it was im­por­tant to taste it be­fore we of­fered any of our guests a glass.

Trou­ble is we tasted it..... and tasted it.... and tasted it and to­mor­row I will have to go out and buy a brand new sup­ply - One nice bot­tle and 11 s*** bot­tles! No one ever no­tices what they’re drink­ing after the first glass.

So here’s the plan: We’ll go to the Chil­dren’s Mass on Christ­mas Eve, which is more a Free for All than an ac­tual ser­vice. The Parish Priest will bat­tle to be heard over the scream­ing tod­dlers and whingey chil­dren and then we’ll all sing Silent Night out of tune and go home de­lighted with our­selves for do­ing our Catholic duty.

Like most par­ents we will be up at the crack of dawn which is only to be ex­pected and we will sit around the tree oohing and ah­h­hing over ev­ery­thing Santa brought while pray­ing we can sneak back to bed for an hour’s kip be­fore break­fast. It’s a long bloody day!

Then the neigh­bours come over for drinks, which is al­ways a bit of a lark be­cause the av­er­age age of all our neigh­bours is about 78.

Last year an el­derly lady down the road got a bit too tipsy and had to be car­ried home, turkey for­got­ten and the roasties burnt! Sure that’s the sign of a great party!

Christ­mas din­ner will be in the In Laws be­cause no­body trusts me to cook a turkey. Can’t say I blame them re­ally. Con­sid­er­ing my his­tory of wash­ing out a chicken with fairy liq­uid, I wouldn’t eat my turkey ei­ther so I’m quite happy to hand over culi­nary re­spon­si­bil­ity.

Then it’s time to col­lapse into a food coma in front of the telly and watch Downton Abbey and Mrs Browns Boys. After that the Fa­ther in Law will start turn­ing off all the lights to let us know it’s time to go home. Sub­tle he ain’t!

I’ve omit­ted to men­tion that I’m sup­posed to be do­ing a Christ­mas Day Swim in the hope that if I say noth­ing, they might for­get my prom­ise.

So far Him­self hasn’t budged. I’ve of­fered bribery and sex­ual favours to no avail. He’d much rather see me suf­fer than get his leg over!

And after weeks of fuss, prepa­ra­tion and stress, Christ­mas is over for another year. Time stops for no man. So Eat, Drink and Be Merry. Cher­ish your loved ones and en­joy the mo­ment.

Happy Christ­mas to One and All!


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