My bravery in taking to the icy waters felt quite good in the end
SO just to keep the reCord strAight (And not thAt I wAnt to BrAg or Anything!) I Completed my ChristmAs DAy Swim! The fACt thAt I wAs Co-erCed, shAmed And Bullied into it, does not tAke AwAy from my BrAvery And strength As I stormed the BeACh in Dunmore EAst on ChristmAs morning, diving into the iCy wAters of whAtever seA it is there!
OK, slight exAggerAtion. I didn’t storm the BeACh, nor did I dive into iCy wAters. It wAs more A CAse of hiding Behind the mother in lAw, letting her go first And sCreAming “Oh Jesus we’re going to die, we’re going to die!”
I spent most of the morning not tAlking to Himself BeCAuse he wouldn’t let me off the hook. Then pAniC struCk As I reAlised I’d hAve to weAr A swimsuit. HAving eAten A full gArliC BreAd with dinner followed By A Big slAB of pAvlovA AND A CheeseBoArd the night Before, I BegAn to reAlise the full extent of my ACtions.
After BeAting myself into my togs And looking At myself in the mirror, Anyone would hAve Been forgiven for CongrAtulAting me on my impending new ArrivAl. Then CAme the frAntiC seArCh for A teeshirt Big enough to Cover the dAmAge. I ended up going out in my togs, teeshirt, dressing gown And BoBBle hAt, But did mAnAge to slAp on A Bit of lipgloss Before I left, so All wAs not lost.
In the end no one gAve me A seCond glAnCe. There were hundreds on the BeACh All lined up to BrAve the elements. I’m sure they were more ConCerned ABout whether they’d get hypothermiA thAn my pot Belly.
I’d like to tell you it wAs greAt fun. But thAt would Be A lie. It wAs feCkin’ freezing. I lAsted ten seConds under the wAter (not inCluding my fACe - I hAd mAkeup on!!) But the Mother in LAw Being the show off thAt she is, swAm up And down for A few minutes muCh to everyone’s AdmirAtion.
At leAst there wAs hot whiskeys AfterwArds. And the fAther in lAw Brought A hip flAsk of BrAndy too. In fACt I Could hAve Been legless By 12.30 without muCh effort At All. But seeing As I hAd the neighBours Coming for drinks, I hAd to mAintAin some degree of soBriety..... whiCh I did until ApproximAtely 3.30 pm when we kiCked most of the neighBours out leAving only A seleCt gAthering of hArdCore pArty-goers.
Then over to the in lAws for the dinner, of whiCh I Ate wAy too muCh And hAd to retire from A gAme of TriviAl Pursuit to lie on the CouCh And Beg for gAvisCon.
The dAy ended with me running home And ChAnging into my pAjAmAs And slippers At 7.30, throwing my new fur CoAt over them And wAlking BACk over to the in lAws AgAin. On opening the door to me, the fAther in lAw Commented, “You look like one of those weird lAdies of the night in AmsterdAm!”
It wAs the seAson of goodwill so I didn’t tell him he looked like Homer Simpson. And AnywAy I wAs full of good Cheer. SAntA CAme, noBody killed AnyBody else over triviAl pursuit, I wAs stuffed to the gills And I wAs the BrAvest person in the world!
Life is good!
AT LEAST THERE WAS HOT WHISKEYS AFTERWARDS.IN FACT I COULD HAVE BEEN LEGLESS BY 12.30 WITHOUT MUCH EFFORT