Alright now, baby, itsa alright now to let your hair down and break Free

WELCOME to my time warp… Dishes to wash. The full range of dishes. Tricky, sticky pots to be scoured. Clinky, dinky glasses to be soaped and shone. Nicky nacky cutlery to be cleaned and sorted. Yawn. The time has come to turn the volume up loud, the full fortissimo, on the stereo. Time to put a backbeat to the housework. Time to break Free.

‘Alright now, baby, itsa alright now!’ A wooden spoon for microphone. Snapping the tea towel in rhythm. ‘Wow. Yeah. Alright now.’

Normally, the sound of 1970s pop is guaranteed to drive all other residents of the household to the furthest corners of The Manor.

But on this occasion, young Persephone decides to channel her inner rock chick while stacking a few plates.

Though born more than three decades after this song was on ‘ Top of the Pops’, she seems to know the chorus.

In fairness, there is not much to know.

‘Alright now, baby, itsa alright now!’

Then Eldrick appears, taking time out from his evening studies and ready to lend his talents on air guitar.

Now the kitchen is bopping like nobody’s business. Even The Pooch catches the mood, the atmosphere – heh, let’s call it The Vibe, man.

The dog has no sense of rhythm, bless him, but skips around the floor like a four-pawed, miniature Freddie Mercury at the height of his stadium blitzing powers.

All we need now is the star of the show. All we need is the ultimate glamour. And here she comes

For a moment, and only a moment, I fear that Hermione is going to blow The Vibe and bring us all tumbling back to boring old earth.

Her jaw is on the point of dropping as she puts her head around the door. Her eyebrows twitch as though poised to register surprise and scorn.

Her voice (though she denies it afterwards) is within a scintilla of emitting some mood wrecking comment along the lines of: ‘What is all this tomfoolery? Can’t a woman get a bit of peace around here?’

Instead, the head disappears as she retreats to compose herself and then she makes a proper entrance as befits the star turn. ‘Let’s move before they raise the parking rate.’

And she is back, a one-woman hurricane in a pleated housecoat and a pair of woolly slippers, arriving onto the makeshift stage with all the applause- and attention-seeking zest of an Elton John on springs, without the big specs

Except of course that there is no stage and no audience, just four lunatic humans using cooking utensils for props and one hyperactive canine near to wetting himself with the excitement of it all.

‘Alright now, baby, itsa alright now!’ Alright it is too, with all five of us giving it socks, while the suds and the pots are forgotten.

Hermione is throwing in a few of the dance moves which made her the talk of the Un-Yoke night club circa 1985.

Persephone is attempting to pick out a harmony line, of all things, from all the mayhem.

Eldrick has thrown aside his invisible Stratocastergibson guitar in favour of a phantom drum kit.

And I have swapped the wooden spoon for a vacuum cleaner attachment.

Eat your heart out, Rod Stewart.

‘Alright Now’ by Free. Lasts 4 minutes and 10 seconds. A hit internationally in 1970. Still riding high in the charts at Medders Manor – for one night only. After the full four minutes and 10 seconds have elapsed, the only sound is laughter.

And then, as though nothing had happened, everyone pulls themselves together and resumes whatever it was they were doing before the madness broke out...

Such was the success of our sink rock session that I am now planning an evening with Joe Dolan and the laundry.