O’ma­hony I’m not very good at trav­el­ling on my own, but USA here I come!

Fingal Independent - - NEWS -

THIS week I’m fly­ing solo. Lit­er­ally. A quick busi­ness trip to the States (God I love the way that makes me sound like a ty­coon!) has meant I have to go to Philadelphia for a few days. Him­self can­not es­cort me this time round be­cause he has to earn the money to keep me in the shoes I have be­come ac­cus­tomed to! So I have been let loose on my own.

This is not a good thing for a va­ri­ety of rea­sons. Firstly I get lost driv­ing ten miles out the road, how will I even man­age to make it to Amer­ica? One time I was sent to cover a dis­trict court in a neigh­bour­ing town and I ended up in a dif­fer­ent county!

I am no­to­ri­ous for hav­ing no sense of di­rec­tion and I’m more than a lit­tle con­cerned about get­ting from the air­port to ho­tel.

I have this lit­tle foible where, when­ever I stay in a ho­tel, when I come out of my room I al­ways turn right and keep walk­ing. It doesn’t mat­ter what room I’m stay­ing in I al­ways turn right. How am I go­ing to nav­i­gate an in­ter­na­tional air­port to get to a ho­tel an hour away?

And then there’s the bags. I do not travel lightly.ihavealotof­bag­gage, both phys­i­cally and emo­tion­ally! I am used to some­one help­ing me with it. How am I go­ing to carry two suit­cases on my own? Would it be bad to pre­tend to be wheel­chair bound?

Then there’s the fact that I’ll have no one to talk to for seven hours on the plane. Last time we flew to Amer­ica I kept up a run­ning com­men­tary for the WHOLE jour­ney, even when Him­self was plugged into some movie he was watch­ing, I kept talking. I find it ther­a­peu­tic. Oth­ers need ther­apy if they have to lis­ten to me, but it makes me feel re­laxed.

As­sum­ing I ac­tu­ally get there, I then have to ac­cept the fact that I’m go­ing to be spend­ing five days on my own in a ho­tel in the mid­dle of nowhere. With NO­BODY TO TALK TO! How will I sur­vive?

I sup­pose I need to adapt a more pos­i­tive at­ti­tude. , I can go shop­ping with­out any­one look­ing over my shoul­der to see how much money I’m spend­ing.

I could use the ho­tel gym to work out. That is so not go­ing to hap­pen but it sounds good in the­ory. I can read books, watch what­ever telly I want and or­der room service. These are all life en­hanc­ing ac­tiv­i­ties.

My father has warned me not to get into any trou­ble. Se­ri­ously I’m 47 years old, what kind of trou­ble does he think I could get into?

‘Well there’s a bar and you like a drink. And you’d talk to any­one. Just re­mem­ber you’re in a dif­fer­ent coun­try,’ he warned omi­nously.

I sus­pect he thinks I’ll get ar­rested for be­ing drunk and dis­or­derly or for pub­licly dis­play­ing anti-trump be­hav­iour. Me? I won’t open my mouth!

MY FATHER HAS WARNED ME NOT TO GET INTO ANY TROU­BLE. I’M 47 YEARS OLD, WHAT KIND OF TROU­BLE DOES HE THINK I COULD GET INTO?

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