69. Cian Dono­hoe Heroes In Hid­ing

Hot Press - - 100 Voices On Mental Health -

I suf­fer with anx­i­ety, which af­fects me on a daily ba­sis, but not in ways that would be ob­vi­ous to oth­ers. -Cian Dono­hoe, Heroes in Hid­ing

I suf­fer with anx­i­ety, which af­fects me on a daily ba­sis, but not in ways that would be ob­vi­ous to oth­ers. :t my 2&., I word as a trainer in a tech com­pany, so I am up in front of peo­ple all day de­liv­er­ing ses­sions and be­ing as pos­i­tive a per­son, and then the rest of the time I am a mu­si­cian. Both roles in­volve me putting my­self in sit­u­a­tions where ev­ery­thing I do and ev­ery move I made is un­der in­tense scru­tiny. Rouʼd prob­a­bly think for some­one that suf­fers with anx­i­ety these are not ideal sit­u­a­tions to be in. But I am de­ter­mined not to let it beat me.

It has most no­tice­ably af­fected me play­ing live with Heroes, as get­ting on stage is a mas­sive or­deal for me. My en­tire body goes into a state of to­tal fear where mus­cle func­tion is af­fected and even my stom­ach is tor­tur­ing and threat­en­ing me with throw­ing up. I have played a vast amount of gigs where I have just wanted to get up mid-song and run. Of course, I have never done that, but I strug­gle to en­joy play­ing in front of peo­ple.

I some­times video our per­for­mances live with my phone, so I can watch them back and ret­ro­spec­tively en­joy the good mo­ments. Why do I do it, is, Iʼm sure, what any­one read­ing this is think­ing. Well, for a cou­ple of rea­sons. I love mu­sic, I love cre­at­ing mu­sic and be­ing in­volved in mu­sic has been by far the great­est thing

Iʼve done in my life and has been hugely ther­a­peu­tic for me when live per­for­mance is not in­volved. The band is a fam­ily to me now3 weʼve been ilay­ing to­gether *, years and I love that as­pect of it as well. I also do it be­cause I will not let this thing in my head con­trol me and I will not let it dic­tate my life.

•Cian Dono­hoe, top left

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