I CAN’T FIND THE RIGHT WOMAN

I am often asked why I have never married and the honest explanation is that I suffer from inadequate personality disorder. I am an only son and my widowed mother was very possessive. She wanted me to focus on a career and the security she lacked. So I attended male-only primary and secondary schools as well as a male-only college. I joined a dating agency and, because I truthfully recorded my background, the computer’s interpretation was ‘Flash git seeks posh totty’ – and that is what I got. The women I met were clearly unimpressed, however, as I had no car nor any interest in horses, and I prefer simple cafés to smart restaurants and fine wines. I had one relationship that lasted six years. My mother was aspirational upwards, but I am aspirational downwards. Is it too late for a leopard to change its spots? I’d love to try. No. Is this your own assessment or have you been diagnosed by a doctor? Inadequate personality disorder describes people who have a sort of extreme level of shyness, are socially inept and are often unable to cope with the normal emotional and physical demands of life. See your GP and ask for a referral to a therapist who could help you with these problems. Your mother’s influence on you has been negative, narrowing your vision to her needs and putting all your energy into getting a good job. With a therapist’s help, work on building up your social confidence. See your friends and get involved with things socially. You had a long-term relationship once, so you will do again. And you don’t need to be aspirational either way – just be yourself.