MY DAUGHTER HAS CUT ME OUT OF HER LIFE

I am a widow and have a stormy relationship with my daughter, who is 36. When it is good, it is brilliant but when it’s bad, it’s horrific. When her three children were little, they lived with me for three years because she wanted to be with her boyfriends. Then she invented a story that I had abused them. The police and social workers became involved, but they soon realised the truth. However, I lost the job I loved as a teacher because of this. My younger son has learning difficulties. I am his carer and we get on well. My daughter now has two more children with her new partner – making that five children by four fathers. I have decorated for her, done her laundry, taken the children to school and to the doctor’s, attended parents’ evenings and taken them on holiday. I love her dearly, but she rarely visits. She seems content not to have me in her life. I fear that if I try to make peace I will be doing all the giving, which will exhaust me and cost me financially. I have tried explaining to her how I feel, but she just gets angry. It would be better if I could get her out of my head, but I can’t. To report you to the police when you were entirely innocent was absolutely awful. I wonder whether your daughter’s motivation was that because you had looked after her children for three years, they had become closer to you and that made her jealous – but that still does not excuse her appalling behaviour. While it would be understandable if you decided not to have anything more to do with her, it also sounds as though you don’t want to do that. Even if you don’t see her for a while, it is better to keep the door open and hope that one day the difficulties can be resolved. Sadly, it sounds as if your daughter has frequently taken advantage of your kindness and let you run round after her and help out financially. If you do decide to try to make peace with her, perhaps by writing her a letter, you need support in place to help you stand up to her. Do you have a supportive partner or close friends to turn to? To help you find ways of coping with this difficult situation, please contact Better Help (betterhelp.com).