I’ve had enough of my abusive husband
I felt so lonely on my wedding day 12 years ago. After the service my husband ignored me and we didn’t have sex on our honeymoon once. After that, I was constantly turned down if I tried to initiate sex. It was always on his terms and provided that I dressed up in latex. Within a year, he cheated on me with an older woman, but he denies that they had sex. We now have two children. He has never helped with them, even when I struggled with postnatal depression. All I needed was a cuddle and words of reassurance. The last time we had sex was when our second child was conceived seven years ago. I recently found porn on his mobile phone. Counselling has not helped. He swears that he loves the children and me. When I tried to leave four years ago, he screamed at our terrified children and held me by the neck against the wall. My mother is incredibly supportive. I feel like such a horrible person. Should I put up with this marriage for the sake of my children or be brave and leave? You must feel so hurt and rejected by his unloving attitude and not wanting to make love. It sounds as though he is addicted to porn. You are not a horrible person – he has made you feel this way by undermining you, as well as emotionally and physically abusing you. You could seek a divorce on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. If you think that he would be aggressive or violent if you ended the marriage, then you and the children need to find a safe place to stay, such as with relatives or a women’s refuge. You may need to take out a restraining order to stop your husband harassing you and the children. Contact the Law Society of Ireland (01 672 4800, lawsociety.ie) and Women’s Aid (1800 341 900, womensaid.ie) for further advice on starting divorce proceedings and how to make sure that you stay safe.