My wife humiliated me after I came out as trans
Dear Coleen
I’m taking female hormones to transition and have been in turmoil, wondering whether to show my wife my breasts. I ended up letting her see me in a low-cut mini-dress, told her about taking the hormones and explained how badly I wanted to live full-time as a woman. She responded with a lot of crying, then the next day she came home from work with a few of her girlfriends so they could see me as a woman. She told them that I was her “soonto-be sissy ex-husband” who was changing into a girl. She then started asking me a lot of embarrassing things in front of them, such as how many men I’d cheated on her with, and asked if I’d just married her for her clothes and make-up. The most hurtful thing she said was that she should have listened to my ex-girlfriend when she told her about catching me in a guy’s car, having sex while dressed as a woman. She also took all of my photos of me dressed as a woman and distributed them to my family and friends, so at least I am completely out to everyone now. What can I possibly salvage from this awful situation?
Coleen says
She’s reacted very badly in shock and anger, and been cruel. Clearly, the way she dealt with it was wrong and that might be partly down to pride. She might also feel anger because she now thinks your relationship was built on a lie. But I hope at some point, once she’s calmed down, she’ll realise she shouldn’t have made a spectacle out of you in front of her friends, and will apologise. On the positive side, it is all out there now and you don’t have to live a double life any more. I also think an overwhelming majority of people would think your wife was cruel to behave like that and be very sympathetic towards you. If she won’t accept you and doesn’t want to remain married to you, that’s her choice, but you’ll be free to live your life the way you want to live it. I think you could have probably told her in a better way, but I don’t think it would have changed the outcome. Now you have to focus on building a new life for yourself as a woman. I don’t know how your family and friends have reacted. Hopefully, they have been supportive, but if not, you can get in touch with www.lgbt.ie and also GLEN, the LGBTI equality network (www.glen.ie) for advice and encouragement.