At least I’m on song for Euro­vi­sion en­try

Irish Daily Mirror - - POLLYHUDSON - COM­PERE Gra­ham Nor­ton

FAR be it for me to sug­gest no one takes the Euro­vi­sion Song Con­test se­ri­ously, but there’s a very real chance the UK en­trant could be singing a song that you wrote. Yes, you.

The BBC are so what­evs about the whole process this time that they’re ask­ing the gen­eral pub­lic to sub­mit songs along­side the song­writ­ing pros. The pub­lic will vote for the win­ning song, too – so we’re pretty much be­ing left to sort the whole she­bang our­selves. It’s not sur­pris­ing no one else is that both­ered about it... af­ter all, we’re hardly go­ing to get the warmest wel­come at the event now are we? Us even en­ter­ing is like re­turn­ing to the scene of a crime to pose for a selfie. We’re ba­si­cally ask­ing some­one we’ve re­cently dumped for a ref­er­ence, and a glow­ing one at that. Let’s be hon­est – we weren’t in much dan­ger of win­ning any­way, but now we’re Europe’s hor­ri­ble ex, our chances are surely well be­low snow­ball in hell level. So, if I may, a few lit­tle dit­ties for the judges’ con­sid­er­a­tion...

Leave Right Now

We’re here, just like be­fore, Though we haven’t won since ’bout 1864. Our rac­ing hearts, are just the same, Though we don’t stand a chance, no one gets why we even came. But we’d love to say we do, get to stay in the EU, It could never now be true. So we say, we think we’d bet­ter leave right now, (Well, 52% of us any­way), We think we’d bet­ter leave right now, (The other 48 were des­per­ate to stay). Some­body bet­ter show us how, It’s even pos­si­bly go­ing to be OK, We think we’d bet­ter leave right now.

Sorry Seems To Be The Hard­est Word

What have we got to do to make you award points to us? What have we got to do to make you care? What do we do now Ar­ti­cle 50 has been trig­gered, And soon we’ll wake to find that you’re not there? It’s sad, so sad, It’s a sad, sad sit­u­a­tion, And it’s get­ting more and more ab­surd, It’s sad, so sad, When the side Boris is on wins, It seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hard­est word.

We Will Sur­vive

First we were afraid, we were pet­ri­fied, Kept think­ing we could never live with­out the EU on our side. But then some peo­ple had their heads turned by Farage, And they grew strong, And they made the re­sult go wrong. Now we’ve got to go, walk out the Brexit door, Can’t turn around now, we’re not wel­come any more. Weren’t you the ones who tried to break us with threats about the trade deals? Did you think we’d crum­ble? Did you think we’d lay down and over keel? Oh no, not us, we will sur­vive, For as long as we have Wills and Kate, we’ll be able to thrive, We’ve got all our life to live. We’ve got all our Dunkirk spirit to give, And we’ll sur­vive, We will sur­vive, Hope­fully.

So Long, Farewell

So long, farewell, auf wieder­se­hen, good­bye. Maybe rip­ping off our skirts would have been worth an­other try. So long, farewell, auf wieder­se­hen, adieu, Adieu, adieu to EU, EU, EU...

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