At least I’m on song for Eurovision entry
FAR be it for me to suggest no one takes the Eurovision Song Contest seriously, but there’s a very real chance the UK entrant could be singing a song that you wrote. Yes, you.
The BBC are so whatevs about the whole process this time that they’re asking the general public to submit songs alongside the songwriting pros. The public will vote for the winning song, too – so we’re pretty much being left to sort the whole shebang ourselves. It’s not surprising no one else is that bothered about it... after all, we’re hardly going to get the warmest welcome at the event now are we? Us even entering is like returning to the scene of a crime to pose for a selfie. We’re basically asking someone we’ve recently dumped for a reference, and a glowing one at that. Let’s be honest – we weren’t in much danger of winning anyway, but now we’re Europe’s horrible ex, our chances are surely well below snowball in hell level. So, if I may, a few little ditties for the judges’ consideration...
Leave Right Now
We’re here, just like before, Though we haven’t won since ’bout 1864. Our racing hearts, are just the same, Though we don’t stand a chance, no one gets why we even came. But we’d love to say we do, get to stay in the EU, It could never now be true. So we say, we think we’d better leave right now, (Well, 52% of us anyway), We think we’d better leave right now, (The other 48 were desperate to stay). Somebody better show us how, It’s even possibly going to be OK, We think we’d better leave right now.
Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word
What have we got to do to make you award points to us? What have we got to do to make you care? What do we do now Article 50 has been triggered, And soon we’ll wake to find that you’re not there? It’s sad, so sad, It’s a sad, sad situation, And it’s getting more and more absurd, It’s sad, so sad, When the side Boris is on wins, It seems to me, That sorry seems to be the hardest word.
We Will Survive
First we were afraid, we were petrified, Kept thinking we could never live without the EU on our side. But then some people had their heads turned by Farage, And they grew strong, And they made the result go wrong. Now we’ve got to go, walk out the Brexit door, Can’t turn around now, we’re not welcome any more. Weren’t you the ones who tried to break us with threats about the trade deals? Did you think we’d crumble? Did you think we’d lay down and over keel? Oh no, not us, we will survive, For as long as we have Wills and Kate, we’ll be able to thrive, We’ve got all our life to live. We’ve got all our Dunkirk spirit to give, And we’ll survive, We will survive, Hopefully.
So Long, Farewell
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye. Maybe ripping off our skirts would have been worth another try. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu, Adieu, adieu to EU, EU, EU...