I want ro­mance but he only wants to be friends

He doesn’t want more as he’s been di­vorced twice

Irish Daily Mirror - - DEARCOLEEN -

Dear Coleen

In 2011 my hus­band died. We’d been mar­ried for 43 years and I have three grown-up chil­dren, and three grand­chil­dren. I am now in my 60s and have fi­nally started to go out again. I’ve also been on a few coach holidays and I at­tend our lo­cal ser­vices club where I get along re­ally well with one man in par­tic­u­lar. I have been to his house for cof­fee and he has been to mine. We have ac­tu­ally be­come re­ally good friends to each other – well, I think so – but he doesn’t want to get in­volved in any kind of re­la­tion­ship as he’s been di­vorced twice. I feel frus­trated by this, as I’m not like his ex-wives at all and I re­ally want us to be more than just friends. I can’t stop think­ing about him – he’s in my thoughts all the time. How can I make him see that life is too short to hold back? We text and talk on the phone all the time, so I think deep down he is in­ter­ested, but just won’t let him­self com­mit to some­thing more se­ri­ous.

Coleen says

Well, he’s been hon­est with you and I ad­mire that. He could have led you to be­lieve there might be some­thing more in the fu­ture, but he’s been up­front about things. It comes down to whether you can han­dle just be­ing his friend. If you think you can, then you could carry on as you are and hope that at some point he re­alises he wants ro­mance. But you can’t “make” him do any­thing and you have to be care­ful that you don’t end up wast­ing years of your life, wait­ing and hop­ing for him to have that light­bulb mo­ment that never hap­pens. Or you could back off a bit – don’t text him ev­ery day – and ac­cept that he’ll never be more than a good friend, so you’ll have to find ro­mance else­where. You’re cer­tainly do­ing all the right things to meet new peo­ple and en­rich your so­cial life, so good luck. And, you never know, if you’re not so avail­able, he might find he re­ally misses you.

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