Can’t stop think­ing of my ex while hubby’s abroad

Irish Daily Mirror - - DEARCOLEEN -

Dear Coleen

I was in a se­ri­ous re­la­tion­ship with a guy in high school for about two years. We split up once for about a week, but then got back to­gether. We were in love and had even talked about get­ting mar­ried some day.

How­ever, I be­gan to find out that lots of my friends and also fam­ily didn’t re­ally like this guy, so we broke up in our fi­nal year of school. We agreed to date other peo­ple to see if we re­ally were meant for each other or if there was some­one else out there.

I started see­ing some­one new in March 2016 and he is my now hus­band. We only dated for a short time be­fore he had to go off to start his train­ing with the army. We got mar­ried in Fe­bru­ary this year, so we hadn’t even known each other 12 months. We were only 19 at the time.

Then my hus­band got sent over­seas for a year with his job and I’m now re­al­is­ing that maybe we did things way too fast. In the mean­time, my ex and I have al­ways checked in with each other to see how things are go­ing, but I don’t think I ever re­ally stopped lov­ing him.

I don’t know if th­ese feel­ing are purely be­cause my hus­band is not back un­til Fe­bru­ary, and I want com­pan­ion­ship. I love him, but there is part of me that just wants to be with my ex.

Coleen says

You’ve done ev­ery­thing too fast. It’s got to be hard to think of your­self in a re­la­tion­ship with some­one who im­me­di­ately goes away for a year.

You are also still so young, so you have to be care­ful that you’re not sim­ply ro­man­ti­cis­ing your ex and those care­free days in high school.

I think you should wait un­til your hus­band is home be­fore do­ing any­thing.

You seem to have a made a lot of rash de­ci­sions, so make this one much more con­sid­ered and give it some time. You’re not a high school girl any more – you’re mar­ried and you owe it to your part­ner to see what things are like when he’s back.

You might find it rekin­dles the ro­mance but, if it doesn’t, then at least you can talk to him face to face to ex­plain how you feel.

And, in the mean­time, don’t start any­thing with your ex – it’s not fair on your hus­band and it’ll only con­fuse you even more.

Also, have a think why it is all your friends and fam­ily don’t like your ex. I re­alise when you’re young, that kind of op­po­si­tion can make you more de­fi­ant, but they might have re­ally good rea­sons.

We mar­ried then he went off for a year in the army

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