I CAN’T PUT A STOP TO MY AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

I’m having an affair with a married man who lives down the road from me. He has two young children and is in a dead relationship (or so he tells me).

I am that cliché and I don’t know how I got myself into it, but I can’t seem to finish it. I’ve tried so many times. It’s been going on for nearly three years now and I just can’t stop replying to him when he calls.

Do I have to move away to end this? It’s hard when I have so many reminders of him on my doorstep.

Coleen says

The words that spring out from your letter are “or so he tells me”, which leads me to think that not even you believe that he’s in a dead relationship and might jump ship to be with you. I think if he was going to do that, he would have done it by now – it’s been three years.

The point is, he’s got it all – a mistress to have exciting, illicit encounters with and a wife and children at home. Yes, it is a cliché, and we know that men in these situations rarely leave their wives.

You have to tell yourself you are better than this and even if you can’t move house to remove this man from your world, you can do other things to change your situation. That might be changing your routine, making an effort to see your friends more and not taking his calls.

Delete him from your phone and if you feel the urge to reply, do something else to distract yourself.

The person losing out here is you because he’s got his life partner and his family, and this affair is stopping you from finding a meaningful relationship and moving on with your life.