Stranger thinks she’s my half-sister but she’s not
Dear Coleen
Some time ago, a woman contacted me saying she was my half-sister. I was shocked, but listened to the story she’d been told.
I tried to get to know her, but couldn’t get my head round the idea that my dad would have had an affair with this woman’s mother. He was an incredibly proud man and so in love with my mum.
He told me lots of things about his life before he died, but never anything about a love child, although I’m not naive enough to think there aren’t secrets like this in families.
I stayed friendly with this woman, but her daughter-in-law told me that she was lying and advised me to check the facts.
I asked her if she’d be willing to do a DNA test to know for sure, but she was really nasty about it. I encouraged her to meet my sibling to get her take on it and now they’ve become firm friends.
I asked my GP for advice and he put me in touch with a DNA lab – I gave a swab and the address of this woman so she could provide one too, but she declined. I got in touch with the lab and they suggested sending something that was hers, so I sent a glass she drank from and a piece of jewellery from a meeting we’d had. The results came back saying she wasn’t related to me. This woman doesn’t know the results of the test and nor does my sibling – what should I do?
Coleen says
Whether it’s true or not, perhaps this woman has been told this story all her life and doesn’t want to confront the idea that you might not be related and that she’s been lied to.
I think you need to speak to your sibling and this woman and tell them what you’ve discovered – why put it off ? I don’t know how reliable the test was but, in the light of the results, I think you should suggest again that she provides DNA to know for sure.
Put it to her that knowing, even if the results aren’t what she was expecting, will help her to move on and explore other avenues.
If you don’t want to confront the woman, sit down with your sister and tell her what you’ve discovered. Even if they’re not sisters, she may have gained a friend.
This woman’s anger could be the result of denial and not wanting to know the truth, but the fact is she’s going on someone else’s story and has no way of proving it other than to do a test.