FRIEND HAS SELF-HARM SECRET

Dear Coleen

I have a good friend who is selfharming and she’s told me not to tell any of her family or friends.

I’ve been her friend for such a long time and I don’t want to risk losing her friendship and trust.

However, I’m also aware that by not doing anything, there’s a risk that the self-harming could get worse and that something awful could happen to her.

I don’t know where to turn.

Coleen says

I think this is a really tough dilemma because of course you don’t want to lose her friendship and you want her to carry on confiding in you but, at the same time, you know she needs help.

I think one way of approaching it might be to agree to keep her secret if she’ll agree to allow you to support her in finding professional help. Be honest and say you don’t want to just stand by and watch her harm herself. If you did that, you wouldn’t be a good friend.

Helping her might involve going with her to see a doctor, sitting with her while she’s talking to a helpline counsellor or gathering helpful information and finding support services.

I think a very good place to start would be to get in touch with Spunout, an organisation that supports people who selfharm and their families and friends (spunout.ie). There’s also lots of good information at mentalhealthireland.ie.