Elvis lives... in Rath­more, Co Kerry

Irish Examiner - Farming - - NEWS -

The lat­est fake news is that Elvis has been dead for 40 years.

Well, I just had to laugh, for I know the truth. Elvis is alive and well. He’s been living the good life back near Rath­more, Co Kerry, for don­keys’ years. I thought ev­ery­one knew.

I met him at the sheep sale in Mac­room Mart last Tues­day, and for a man who has been dead since 1977, he looked re­mark­ably well.

He still had the trade­mark black side­burns and white jump­suit. How­ever, the blue suede shoes were miss­ing. But, con­sid­er­ing that it was a sheep sale, that was prob­a­bly a wise choice. Any­how, I started by ask­ing the King about the sheep trade. Alive or dead, it would have been bad man­ners not to talk sheep, and they mak­ing a most holy racket all around.

I asked the King how the day had gone gone for him. “Well, baby,” Elvis replied, “I’m all shook up, for this morn­ing the head gas­ket blew sky high in my Cadil­lac as I rolled in here to Mac­room.”

“Lord help us Elvis, what did you do?” I asked, for I hate to see any­one in trou­ble, be he a King or a pau­per. Elvis ex­plained that he had been haul­ing a trailer full of old ewes, and only fo r a neigh­bour com­ing to his res­cue, he would have been ‘in the ghetto’ en­tirely. With busi­ness out of the way, I asked the King why the devil he gave up the singing. For he was mighty good. “Well, sir,” says he with a smile and a lit­tle twitch of the leg, “I in­her­ited a bit of land from my un­cle back near Rath­more in ‘73, and when I gave up on rock and roll, I found it to be the per­fect spot for me to re­tire and be­come a sheep farmer.”

And then, Elvis told me the real rea­son he re­tired from singing.

“I was for­get­ting my songs Denny! It was a fright,” says he, “for when I’d be out there on stage in Ve­gas, or some­place, I’d forget my own name, never mind ‘ Hound Dog’. I couldn’t put a foot wrong with re­gards to the hits, but I couldn’t get a note right with re­gards to re­mem­ber­ing them.

“If I had sung the Bold Thady Quill, it would have been a world- wide smash. But the devil blast me, I’d be lost if I had to sing it at Caeser’s Palace. “Any­how,” said the king of rock and roll. “One day, when I was eat­ing a juicy burger, and sit­ting on my throne in Mem­phis, I came up with the mas­ter­plan of re­turn­ing here to the CorkKerry bor­der, to live a far bet­ter life, on the land.

“I l e f t t h e wo m e n , t h e mu­sic and the drugs be­hind, for sheep farm­ing. “Al­though I could have done with the drugs when the days were cold and the sheep went against me.” “But why the devil did you t e l l t h e wo rl d y ou we r e dead?” I asked.

“I never told any­one I was dead!” Elvis replied adamantly.

“It was just that we didn’t have the phone back there at the time, and I ne­glected to con­tact Colonel Parker. “And sure what harm?” says he, “for the sheep were job enough, with­out host­ing a go­ing-away party.”

Life has been good to the King down here in the south since he left the stage in ‘77, and any talk of a come­back is quickly brushed aside.

“I’ll con­cen­trate on the sheep for now,” says Elvis, “For, af­ter 40 years, I’m only just get­ting a han­dle on them.”

Pic­ture: Don Mac­Mona­gle

Elvis was also spot­ted at Puck Fair, Kil­lor­glin, Co Kerry, with fans from the USA.

De­nis Le­hane with Rath­more Elvis.

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