How many cards did you get?
It was the tractor and transport box that I needed in the end yesterday, to deal with the avalanche of Valentine’s cards that came my way. Never before have I been more overwhelmed. I was almost reduced to tears. I watched as the postman s t r u g g l ed t o de li ve r h i s catch, IIn a van dangerously weighted down with cargo. With wheels spinning and b l a c k sm ok e sp ew in g , he battled to journey up our steep lane.
“You can do it!” I roared from the kitchen window, before I sat down for the breakfast. But in the finish, I had to intervene.
I dashed out to mount my old 996 with the transpor t box behind, I bounced down the lane to relieve the postman of the Valentine cards. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the sight that awaited me. A haul of Valentine’s Day cards so huge, it was positively frightening.
2018 has broken all previous records. While I might regularly receive a wheelbarrow full of cards, yesterday my transport box was full to overflowing with messages of love, and still the cards came tumbling from the van. The front wheels of my 996 were airborne for great parts of the return journey up the lane with the load on board. In my estimation, the haul of cards exceeded the weight of a round bale of silage. The tractor was flat out, just like it can be with an extra heavy round bale. Eventually I made it to the yard and backed up to an outhouse.
For the next three hours I unloaded the cards and sorted them out.
I put the cards from Scandinavian blonds in one heap and cards from Costa Rican beauties in another. Cards with Asian and Middle Eastern markings on them I piled up into a handsome pyramid.
The EU mountain of cards was put into a pen all of its own, such was the quantity. I received one Valentine’s card from North Korea. I believe it came from Kim Jong-Un’s sister, the one that attended the opening ceremony at the Winter Games the other evening.
S h e pr ob ab ly p o s te d it then, when she had the freedom to let her hair down. As expected, there were many hundreds of Valentine c a r ds fr o m Ir i sh fe ma le s , w i t h Ke rr y , i n t e re s t i n g l y enough, a clear winner.
I mu s t b e ve r y po pu la r back in the Kingdom.
I was a bit disappointed that I didn’t receive a card from Kate Winslet. Anyhow, you might well b e wo n d e r i n g wh y I ’ m so popular with the ladies. Well, that is the greatest mystery of all.
For I don’t look particularly pleasing to the eye. And I’m not particularly pleasant to the ear either. I’m contrary at the best of times, and most importantly of all, I’m as married as can be. There are no-loop holes in t h e th in g . I t’ s a c a s t i ro n document, signed, sealed and stamped.
The only reason I can grasp is that it’s because of my writing.
Because of the way I give an honest and true account of my life here in rural Ireland.
Never once drifting into fantasy or make believe. Anyhow, whatever the reason, I just want to take the opportunity today to belatedly wish a happy Valentine’s Day to all the women of the world.
Ye ’ r e a l u c k y bu n c h t o have me
Love was in the air in mid-Cork yesterday, Valentine’s Day.
No sky- writing, but a tractorload of Valentine cards.