How many cards did you get?

Irish Examiner - Farming - - NEWS -

It was the trac­tor and trans­port box that I needed in the end yes­ter­day, to deal with the avalanche of Valen­tine’s cards that came my way. Never be­fore have I been more over­whelmed. I was al­most re­duced to tears. I watched as the post­man s t r u g g l ed t o de li ve r h i s catch, IIn a van dan­ger­ously weighted down with cargo. With wheels spin­ning and b l a c k sm ok e sp ew in g , he bat­tled to jour­ney up our steep lane.

“You can do it!” I roared from the kitchen win­dow, be­fore I sat down for the break­fast. But in the fin­ish, I had to in­ter­vene.

I dashed out to mount my old 996 with the trans­por t box be­hind, I bounced down the lane to re­lieve the post­man of the Valen­tine cards. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imag­ined the sight that awaited me. A haul of Valen­tine’s Day cards so huge, it was pos­i­tively fright­en­ing.

2018 has bro­ken all pre­vi­ous records. While I might reg­u­larly re­ceive a wheel­bar­row full of cards, yes­ter­day my trans­port box was full to over­flow­ing with mes­sages of love, and still the cards came tum­bling from the van. The front wheels of my 996 were air­borne for great parts of the re­turn jour­ney up the lane with the load on board. In my es­ti­ma­tion, the haul of cards ex­ceeded the weight of a round bale of silage. The trac­tor was flat out, just like it can be with an ex­tra heavy round bale. Even­tu­ally I made it to the yard and backed up to an out­house.

For the next three hours I un­loaded the cards and sorted them out.

I put the cards from Scandinavian blonds in one heap and cards from Costa Ri­can beau­ties in an­other. Cards with Asian and Mid­dle East­ern mark­ings on them I piled up into a hand­some pyra­mid.

The EU moun­tain of cards was put into a pen all of its own, such was the quan­tity. I re­ceived one Valen­tine’s card from North Ko­rea. I be­lieve it came from Kim Jong-Un’s sis­ter, the one that at­tended the open­ing cer­e­mony at the Win­ter Games the other evening.

S h e pr ob ab ly p o s te d it then, when she had the free­dom to let her hair down. As ex­pected, there were many hun­dreds of Valen­tine c a r ds fr o m Ir i sh fe ma le s , w i t h Ke rr y , i n t e re s t i n g l y enough, a clear win­ner.

I mu s t b e ve r y po pu la r back in the King­dom.

I was a bit dis­ap­pointed that I didn’t re­ceive a card from Kate Winslet. Any­how, you might well b e wo n d e r i n g wh y I ’ m so pop­u­lar with the ladies. Well, that is the great­est mys­tery of all.

For I don’t look par­tic­u­larly pleas­ing to the eye. And I’m not par­tic­u­larly pleas­ant to the ear ei­ther. I’m con­trary at the best of times, and most im­por­tantly of all, I’m as mar­ried as can be. There are no-loop holes in t h e th in g . I t’ s a c a s t i ro n doc­u­ment, signed, sealed and stamped.

The only rea­son I can grasp is that it’s be­cause of my writ­ing.

Be­cause of the way I give an hon­est and true ac­count of my life here in ru­ral Ire­land.

Never once drift­ing into fan­tasy or make be­lieve. Any­how, what­ever the rea­son, I just want to take the op­por­tu­nity to­day to be­lat­edly wish a happy Valen­tine’s Day to all the women of the world.

Ye ’ r e a l u c k y bu n c h t o have me

Love was in the air in mid-Cork yes­ter­day, Valen­tine’s Day.

No sky- writ­ing, but a trac­tor­load of Valen­tine cards.

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