Irish Examiner - Weekend - - Feature -

The cur­rent en­try fee to an Irish wedding is €100 per guest. This is known as the ‘wedding present’

If you don’t want your mother to in­vite the whole town, get mar­ried at least 150 miles away. That way your lo­cal post­man won’t be there.

Try not to in­vite any­one more im­por­tant than you.

If you’re ve­gan, phone the cater­ers di­rectly so you don’t get a plate of pasta with to­mato sauce for your €100. If you’re vegetarian, it will be the goats cheese tart­let.

If giv­ing a speech, avoid men­tion­ing ex part­ners, di­vorce, drug tak­ing, al­co­holism, fight­ing, jail sen­tences, or cur­rent ar­rest war­rants. Swear­ing is only per­mis­si­ble if you’re very posh.

If invit­ing peo­ple who are ac­tively feud­ing or in the process of tak­ing each other to court, seat them ap­pro­pri­ately. In dif­fer­ent rooms.

Crowd fund­ing your wedding is con­sid­ered a bit much, but this may change.

If you’re the bride, no­body will speak to you all day for fear of mo­nop­o­lis­ing you. You won’t re­mem­ber any­thing any­way, so it doesn’t mat­ter.

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