Mysonwas abused and now behaves badly
?I recently separated from my abusive partner. Before I left him, my eldest son, aged seven, had become verbally abusive to people. I believe my partner contributed to my son’s behaviour problem, as he was
IT sounds like there is a lot going on for you and your children. Even though the separation from your ex-partner may be a difficult process, I could imagine that it will prove to be a very positive experience for your family, as it gives you and the children an opportunity to heal and to live, free from abuse.
You don’t describe what kind of abuse you and your son suffered from your ex-partner, but in many ways it doesn’t matter. Whether it was emotional, physical or sexual abuse, it will have had a huge impact on you and your son.
The different kinds of abuse can sometimes add additional layers of complexity in terms of their specific impact, but any or all of them could be responsible for your son’s lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Similarly, if your son witnessed, or experienced a lot of verbal abuse from his dad, then that might also explain why he now verbally abuses others.
You also mention that your son has an ongoing speech delay. Have you had that assessed recently? As part of any assessment of his speech, have you considered having abusive to the children as well. My son has an ongoing speech delay, lacks confidence and has low self-esteem. He’s going to school but hates it. I have noticed that when he’s not in school his behaviours improve. I don’t know what to do, should I remove him from school or leave him there? I don’t know what to do now. Help me please. his hearing checked? If your son has hearing problems, then it might be affecting his ability to understand what is being said to him and also his ability to express himself clearly.
Receptive, or expressive language difficulties can be enormously distressing and frustrating for children, leading to a range of acting-out behaviours that can include verbal aggression.
Speech and language difficulties can also have a very detrimental effect on children’s self-esteem. Even though the language difficulties might not be due to any kind of learning difficulties, children can feel like they are not as smart as their peers. If your son compares himself negatively with others, it may also explain why he doesn’t like going to school.
What is clear, from what you describe for your son, is that his situation is complex and so, consequently, he may need several kinds of support or intervention.
Before making a decision to remove him from school, I do think you need to meet with his teacher and the school principal. You need to discuss his speech delay with them, to see what their understanding is, and to check what kind of support they are able to give him in school.
You also need to check how the other children treat him. It may be that he is getting teased for his speech and that this is also contributing to his dislike of school.
The final issue to discuss with his teachers is his overall academic attainments in school. Even though his speech problems are not necessarily due to learning difficulties, it might be worth discovering if he does need extra learning supports too. His school can request help from the National Educational Psychological Service (NEPS) for this.
Once you have clarity about any effect that school, or the demands of school, may be having on him, you can turn your attention to the impact of the abuse that he suffered from his dad.
Even if he was treated badly by his dad, he may miss him a lot since the separation. His emotional world may be quite upended by both the abuse and the separation. Given his age, a therapeutic intervention, like play therapy or art therapy, might be a really helpful way for him to begin to process the likely complicated feelings he has about his dad.
Finally, look for as much emotional and practical support for yourself as possible, from friends, family or agencies like Women’s Aid. You, too, have had a very turbulent time and so you may be under huge pressure currently.
The more you feel minded, the more you will be able to effectively mind your son.