Irish Independent - Weekend Review - - CONTENTS -

Trump spent much of the lat­ter part of the cam­paign look­ing like a man who just re­alised that he’d left the oven turned on at home. Yet by the end of the whole she­bang he was the leader of the free world.

Hopes that he would use the early part of his first term in of­fice to heal bridges, mend wounds and mix metaphors wher­ever he goes, he de­cides in­stead that he won so he could do what he wants. Which, let’s be hon­est, is what he al­ways did any­way.

Things get rough for him when the brains of the op­er­a­tion, Kellyanne Coway, leaves. Like the rest of the world, she was shocked at his in­au­gu­ra­tion speech.

“It wasn’t so much the con­tent,” a stunned Con­way later tells re­porters, “but did he have to de­liver it in Rus­sian? I know he wants to strengthen ties be­tween our two great na­tions, but I just don’t think scream­ing ‘Dasvi­daniya, bitches!’ and laugh­ing non­stop for five min­utes was a very Pres­i­den­tial thing to do.”

Trump fur­ther en­dears him­self to the world when he goes ahead with his prom­ise to re­lo­cate the US em­bassy in Is­rael from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

He an­nounces the date of the new em­bassy’s open­ing on his so­cial me­dia ac­count, prompt­ing a fu­ri­ous re­sponse from the Pales­tini­ans, who de­mand he delete the tweet.

In re­turn, Trump threat­ens to delete them, and in­cludes an emoji of a mush­room cloud to show he means busi­ness.

Sadly, Trump’s reign of error doesn’t see out the year — he is im­peached in Novem­ber when it emerges he or­dered the Se­cret Ser­vice to beat up a 13-year-old from Alabama who made a joke about men with small hands.

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