Our de­mands are sim­ple — water or nu­dity

Irish Independent - Weekend Review - - SOCIAL -

It is now of­fi­cially too hot to do any of the fol­low­ing. Bath, cook, take the bus, run, walk the dog, eat a hot din­ner, and live a semi-de­cent life.

It was the dri­est June in 80 years and we are caught in the mid­dle of a dystopian uni­verse where pad­dling pools from Aldi and flush­ing toi­lets are now con­sid­ered lux­u­ries. Lux­u­ries!

Ir­ish Water are ask­ing us to call the ‘Rat Line’ and in­form on our neigh­bours hos­ing down gera­ni­ums (please note — not the ac­tual name of helpline).

Ev­ery­one is get­ting sick from eat­ing cold cuts of meat left in the sun for too long, and newsagents are hav­ing to store choco­late bars in the deep freeze.

Last week, a man missed a court hear­ing af­ter get­ting sun­burnt. Clearly, we are not used to this.

The heat­wave has re­sulted in us all los­ing our minds, and it’s ba­si­cally now a full-blown na­tional emer­gency.

De­spite this, the Taoiseach has yet to do the de­cent thing.

That is to gather to­gether the press and tell them he is us­ing all the pow­ers at his dis­posal to en­force new leg­is­la­tion mak­ing it so­cially ac­cept­able to go to work with­out any trousers on.

Don’t pre­tend the thought hasn’t crossed your mind!

Only a sadist would vol­un­tar­ily put jeans on in this weather. It’s like be­ing stitched into your own per­sonal fur­nace.

Look, when the snow was here, we all got the days off work to build igloos and eat moun­tains of but­tered toast.

Shouldn’t there be some sort of com­pen­sa­tion for hot weather?

I think so, and al­low­ing peo­ple to ditch smart ca­sual cloth­ing, busi­ness suits or any cloth­ing seems the only hu­mane thing to do.

Th­ese are the op­tions; give us back our hosepipes or brace your­self for a coun­try of ac­ci­den­tal na­tur­ists.

Dress­ing down: It’s time to ditch the busi­ness suits

Re­nais­sance hard man Ross Kemp cel­e­brates Eng­land’s vic­tory against Colom­bia with a selfie and be­comes an in­stant meme in the process. As one com­men­ta­tor noted ‘If you ever won­dered what it’s like to have sex with Grant Mitchell, well, now you know.’

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Ireland

© PressReader. All rights reserved.