Un­happy Valen­tine

Irish Sunday Mirror - - NEWS - BY SYLVIA POWNALL

Sara with Maia Dun­phy

The un­cou­pling guru, who went through a painful mar­riage split af­ter she caught her hus­band cheat­ing, said Fe­bru­ary 14 throws re­la­tion­ships un­der the spot­light.

She added: “Peo­ple think, ‘Oh I’m go­ing to have to tell them I love them,’ and they baulk at the prospect.

“The fo­cus is all on the re­la­tion­ship, the present, go­ing out for din­ner, are they go­ing to pro­pose?

“It’s al­ways that bit harder be­ing dumped a week be­fore what is con­sid­ered the most ro­man­tic day of the year. Peo­ple feel even worse when they see oth­ers all loved up.

“A break-up is the sec­ond most trau­matic ex­pe­ri­ence you will go through in your life af­ter the death of a loved one and we’ve all been there.

“But there are things you can do to cope with it as best you can. Break­ing up can be a golden op­por­tu­nity to re­design your life the way you want it.

“You can be happy, feel con­fi­dent and have other re­la­tion­ships in the fu­ture.”

Here Sara shares her top 10 tips for sur­viv­ing a split... Some peo­ple feel they are stand­ing at the bot­tom of a huge moun­tain and have to climb it in one leap. There may be lots of changes and ad­just­ments hap­pen­ing but it’s im­por­tant to take each day as it comes. Take small steps and don’t put pres­sure Don’t be afraid to cry on your­self to solve all the is­sues to­day. This can in­clude le­gal and also fi­nan­cial ad­vis­ers, an ex­er­cise buddy and a ther­a­pist or coach. Think care­fully about the friends and fam­ily you con­fide in and make sure they have your best in­ter­ests at heart. Avoid neg­a­tive peo­ple who sap your en­ergy as much as pos­si­ble. If you are wor­ried about be­ing on your own in the evenings Avoid ques­tions such as, ‘What’s wrong with me?’ or, ‘What did I do wrong?’ In­stead ask your­self more pos­i­tively fo­cused ques­tions such as, ‘What can I do right now to help me through this?’ It’s im­por­tant to have some fun in your life, even when you feel low and sad. Plan things you en­joy. Write a list of the things you weren’t happy with in your re­la­tion­ship. If you are heart­bro­ken and find­ing it hard to let go this is a great ex­er­cise. When we rem­i­nisce about part­ners it’s easy to fo­cus on the good bits – but this will keep you stuck in the past.

A break-up may be the end of a re­la­tion­ship but it is also the start of a new phase in your life. Ask how you want your life to be mov­ing for­ward and get plan­ning a fu­ture that ex­cites you. Sara Dav­i­son (www. sara­davi­son.com) is the best­selling au­thor of Un­cou­pling and cre­ator of Break-up Re­cov­ery Re­treats. She of­fers ad­vice to four heart­bro­ken Ir­ish sin­gle­tons in TV3’S Heart­break Ho­tel which airs on Wed­nes­day at 9pm. news@irish­mir­ror.ie Record your feel­ings Join a club or gym

Break­ing up can turn out to be a golden op­por­tu­nity to re­design your life the way you want it Try and avoid neg­a­tive peo­ple who will sap your en­ergy as much as pos­si­ble

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