More horror shows than real thrillers
THE WIND is howling outside and leaves are dancing manically in haphazard patterns as I peer solemnly and cautiously out of an upstairs window.
Cobwebs glisten innocently under the light of the silvery moon, but there’s a forboding in the air as a murky mist descends on my now eerie dwelling, a crippling feeling making me feel as petrified as a God-fearing, straight-laced, do-gooder that has somehow found himself slap bang in the middle of a Ballyragget G.A.A. club celebratory shindig.
I can hear the faint echoes of a blood-curdling scream far away in the distance, but that may just be the remnants of the groans of Tottenham Hotspur faithful after Manchester United’s Anthony Martial pounced for a late winner in a battle of the big boys that failed to provide the edge of the seat thrills of a Halloween thriller and was a far cry from a classic.
Definitely more a case of Hobgoblins than The Shining.
Speaking of putting the fear of God into others, Manchester City continue to systematically terrorise teams with numerous tricks and treats, and although they had a couple of defensive lapses against West Brom at the weekend, they were always in control, more than masking over their shortcomings at the back by stringing together more passes than Casanova in his hey-day.
Liverpool were on one of their good days on Saturday, well in the second-half at least, against the far from mighty Huddersfield, who in fairness to them have punched above their weight so far this season and already frightened the bejaysus out of, and even toppled, a giant or two.
The Merseysiders, when they’re in the mood, can provide oodles of excitement, similar to what jumped from the screen in the original Halloween movie, rather than the dreadful dirge that reared its ugly head later in the franchise; drivel which Liverpool are also more than capable of serving up.
Watching Arsenal eventually get the better of Swansea City reminded me of the cheap and tacky Halloween accessories that are strewn all over the house to help to get the kids into the spirit of the season.
They might look okay, even classy, while they last, but you know full well that the arse is going to fall out of them all sooner rather than later, they’ll be stuffed into the bin and you’ll have to completely replenish your stocks this time next year.
Their fellow Londoners, Chelsea, are more like Friday the 13th than The Exorcist, solid if not spectular. There’s the odd moment that will cause a brief murmur and cause your chest to pound, without ever quite reaching the kind of exhilaration that would get the heart racing at one hundred miles per hour.
Apart from the odd flash of fancy football here and there and an occasional blazing sky full of fireworks, in the main you’d see better pace and footwork from the zombies in Night of the Living Dead than you would in much of the Premier League fare.
Only very rarely will you find the almost unbearable tension and thrilling climax of a bona fide classic like Silence of the Lambs and most of the sorry rabble put in front of the big guns should be akin to sending lambs to the slaughter.
However, Manchester City seem to be the only team capable of dominating the also-rans on a consistent basis, particularly if the Etihad crew continue to play with the same precision of passing and swagger that they are at present.
If that swashbuckling form carries on unabated they could have a virtually unassailable lead before the turn of the year and it will be The Nightmare Before Christmas for the other title-hopefuls.
On current form Manchester United, Tottenham Hotpur, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool don’t have a ghost of a chance.