Five steps to con­flict res­o­lu­tion

RTÉ Guide - - Mental Health & Well- Being -

Think about some­thing you re­peat­edly ar­gue about. Some­times it is good to start off with a lit­tle thing.

Step 1:

deal­ing What with? is The the best is­sue out­comes or si­t­u­a­tion are achieved you are when you only deal with the prob­lem at hand. Don’t bring in other com­plaints as it gets too hard and of­ten does not solve any prob­lem.

Ex­am­ple: We can’t agree on who should take out the bins. Step 2: What is my point of view about the is­sue? Ex­am­ple: I want to re­lax af­ter work Step 3: What is the other per­son’s point of view about the si­t­u­a­tion?

Ex­am­ple: They don’t like the smell of rub­bish Step 4: How is this im­pact­ing on both of you? Ex­am­ple: Even though the bins are over­flow­ing, no one is tak­ing them out Step 5: If you were an ob­server of this si­t­u­a­tion, look­ing at it from both per­spec­tives, what would you ad­vise?

Your­self: Struc­ture time to re­lax as well as tak­ing the bins out

The other per­son: Take bins out be­fore they smell Both of you: Take bins out re­gard­less of your per­sonal con­cerns and/or make a ros­ter to take the bins out

This is a prob­lem about solv­ing a si­t­u­a­tion, so by lis­ten­ing, look­ing and think­ing about the si­t­u­a­tion from a few an­gles, you can both give and take. By ob­serv­ing and think­ing in terms of ‘we’ and be­ing flex­i­ble, then com­mu­ni­ca­tion can grow and be pos­i­tive. When com­mu­ni­ca­tion grows, it be­comes im­bued with trust, re­spect and equal­ity. All good nur­ture for healthy com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

If there are con­cerns that you would like Dr Ed­die Mur­phy to ad­dress here, please email him in con­fi­dence at ed­die@dred­diemur­phy.ie. Dr Ed­die can­not re­spond in­di­vid­u­ally to these emails. Contact

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