As Carol Tobin dis­cusses a life of stand-up with fel­low come­di­ennes (see page 12), Pat Fitz­patrick picks out some other ladies who have tick­led our fancy

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - FIRST PERSON / TOP FIVE -


Joan got in trou­ble with Jews and Ger­mans when she turned a comment about Heidi Klum’s ass into a gag about the Nazis. (Only Joan could get away with it — we won’t re­peat it here.) She got in more trou­ble af­ter mak­ing jokes about Adele’s weight on TV. You are not al­lowed to make jokes about fat peo­ple in Amer­ica or one of them will come and sit next to you on a plane. She re­sponded to the crit­i­cism with more jokes about Adele. Joan has some neck. Won­der how much it cost her.


You might not know that Mau­reen per­formed for Hitler dur­ing a tour of Ger­many in 1938. We pre­sume her rou­tine fo­cused on the suf­fer­ing of oth­ers. Of course, the Ger­mans have a spe­cial term for the suf­fer­ing of oth­ers — it’s called the Euro­pean Union. For any Ger­man up­set by that so-called joke, please check out what Joan Rivers said about you in re­la­tion to Heidi Klum. Un­less it’s Heidi Klum read­ing this, in which case, how you doin'?


She’s funny be­cause she’s tall. Of course, be­hind a lot of tall, witty women is a small, ner­vous man go­ing: “Oh Je­sus, please don’t let her make a joke about my height. I try to play along but I’m small and there­fore have a very short tem­per. So you can imag­ine how I feel when some­one says to my girl­friend, ‘I don’t know what you see in him’ and she replies, ‘The top of his head, usu­ally. Ha!’” Livid.


Ellen is the lady who in­tro­duced Crys­tal Swing to prime­time Amer­i­can TV. And still the Yanks love her. Very for­giv­ing peo­ple. Of course they love a nov­elty dance act from the auld sod. Just look at River­dance. In fact, the only dif­fer­ence be­tween River­dance and Crys­tal Swing is hun­dreds of mil­lions of dollars. Well, that and the fact the River­dance crew are al­lowed to ap­pear in pub­lic with­out their mothers. Oth­er­wise, it would have just been chaos on stage.


Maeve made a name for her­self on Naked Cam­era run­ning around in a wed­ding dress try­ing to get guys to marry her. Still, it’s a less ob­vi­ous ap­proach than sign­ing up for in­ter­net dat­ing and putting, “look­ing for fun and noth­ing else”. Sneaky. That’s a wannabe wife right there. Prob­a­bly wear­ing a wed­ding gown as she types. Guys still re­spond in the ex­treme off-chance she might be a 21-year-old Rus­sian hot­tie with an in­cur­able sex ad­dic­tion. They never are. Ap­par­ently.

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