OUR FAVOURITE WOMEN IN POP
As Jessie J tells Julia Molony of her aspirations for family life (see page 14), Pat Fitzpatrick looks at the idiosyncrasies of some other pop music princesses
1 MILEY CYRUS
Irish parents were outraged when they saw Miley twerking (look it up) at the VMA awards. Can't blame them. It's hard to watch a young woman make a name for herself while their own kids mope around the house. Miley's dad, Billy Ray, didn't mind either. He's a country-and-western star, so there's no embarrassment so bad that it can't be turned into a song. It will be a nice break from his dog dying and truck breaking down to sing, “my daughter she was twerkin', it sure as hell beats workin”.
2 LADY GAGA
Famous for her multiple crazy outfits. You can imagine her parents in the hall. “Listen, miss, there is no way you are going out in that. Or that. Or that. From what I can see, that one is just the lagging jacket off the immersion. We don't care how many followers you have on Twitter. How do you mean Madonna never had to put with this kind of carry-on? Listen to Papa Don't Preach. The man was an awful nagger.”
3 TAYLOR SWIFT
Famously said her exes inspire her work. Who wouldn't want to be immortalised in Short One Song for The Album, Decided to Date You? Most people. Taylor was caught on camera mouthing, “Shut the f **k up” at her ex Harry Styles during the VMA awards. There is no truth to the rumour she was just joining in with the rest of the crowd. In fairness, though, One Direction are more over-exposed than a flasher on the rush-hour DART.
4 KATY PERRY
Katy caused a bit of controversy back in innocent 2008 when she kissed a girl and liked it. Of course, for a female artist to create a similar splash in 2013, you are probably looking at a sex act with a horse. Sorry, we're not suggesting you are looking at a sex act with a horse. As if you would do such a thing, without wiping your browser history afterwards. Seriously, you can't be too careful these days.
Won an Oscar this year for her James Bond theme tune. You can't remember it. Instead, your brain is playing the iconic Bond tune. Ding diddle-ing-ding ding-ding-ding and so on. If you are a man, you picture yourself as a young Sean Connery making a smutty racist joke about a hot Russian's pussy cat. If you are a woman, let's face it, you picture yourself as the hot Russian. Where would you see such racism and sexism today? Outside of Top Gear.