CELEBRITY FOOD GURUS
As Sarah Caden talks to cookbook author and model Rosanna Davison (see Page 12), Pat Fitzpatrick has a look at other celebs who have strong views on food
Gillian shot to fame on You Are What You Eat. You remember the show, alright. There was Gillian, a peculiarly large lady from Burnley called Tess, and a table showing what Tess eats and drinks every week. The table was made of reinforced steel. They couldn’t stop for a commercial break because if they took their eyes off Tess for a second, she’d polish off a chicken supper and four bottles of WKD. The point of the show was very simple: congratulations viewer, you are not Tess.
A message from the Ordinary Men of Ireland. “It has come to our attention that if you close your eyes, Dr Eva can sound like a dominatrix we saw on a video that the brother brought back from Hamburg in 1987. We’re not suggesting we took up mega-extreme triathlons and gave up the pints because Dr Eva would remind you of a strangely sexy prison guard called Frau Verboten. But do you honestly think we’d do it if the same advice came from Donal Skehan?”
3 GILLIAN MCKEITH EVA ORSMOND AMELIA FREER
She wrote a bestseller in 2014 called Eat. Nourish. Glow. The follow-up was called Cook. Nourish. Glow. She. Obviously. Likes. One. Word. Sentences. Boy George is a big fan. He says that Amelia’s diet helped him lose six stone a few years ago. Just as well. Let’s just say the only band that could help his career at that stage was a gastric band. The trading-standards people were insisting he change his name to Middle-Aged Lady George.
Jamie decided against a vasectomy after a friend had one that went wrong. Said friend sent him a picture of what Jamie called his ‘old chap’. How very British. Seriously, would anyone like a drop of sherry? Some say Jamie is appalled that parents make terrible choices for their kids, which will impact on their health and happiness. We say he called his son Buddy Bear Maurice. Imagine roll-call in school. “Buddy Bear Maurice?” “Here, Miss.” Class wets pants laughing. Every single day.
5 JAMIE OLIVER BLAKE LIVELY
You haven’t heard of her because you stopped watching the telly seven years ago and can’t believe that Bruce Willis is about 97 years of age. (You’re getting old. Get used to it.) Blake was the star of Gossip Girl, one of the shows that persuaded you to stop watching telly seven years ago. She is branching out now, and it looks like she wants to be a food and lifestyle guru, just like Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s fair to say that’s a good enough reason to ignore her.