MAN’S BEST FRIEND?
The quickest way to attract like-minded people in Ireland is to go for a walk with your dog. You’ ll bump into no end of other dog lovers. And two people will talk about anything to distract from the fact that their pets are basically giving each other a doggy 69. (What is with all the butt sniffing?)
Unfortunately, there has been a change of mood recently, and people have turned against the noble Irish tradition known as ‘looking on while your dog has a shite on the footpath and walking away without cleaning it up’. There is now every chance someone will video this event and put it up on YouTube. This is a crying shame, as it takes all the fun out of owning a dog.
Time to go for the next best thing. A child. Your average chiseller attracts a lot of strangers and isn’t inclined to foul the footpath. (Much.) There is no need to give birth or create a child. In fact, we’d recommend you don’t. Kids cost a fortune, and wreck your life. Luckily, with the cost of childcare through the roof, your relations will be only too glad to hand over their kids for a few hours during the day. This gives you access to playgrounds full of other adults dying to talk to anyone over seven.
The etiquette here couldn’t be simpler. If you like the person and think another meeting is in order, just agree with their parenting. If you want to nip the relationship in the bud, make a passive-aggressive comment about the food they are feeding their child. If you’re not sure what passive-aggressive means, just ask your mother. It’s fair to say that she wrote the book.
Now, she didn’t expect any thanks for writing the book, but it would have been nice if someone gave her a little bit of recognition all the same. But then, you’re all so busy with your own lives.