Nothing says I’m ancient faster than the wrong pair of shoes. A couple of simple rules will see you right.
The first is non-negotiable. If you see an on-duty nurse wearing the same shoes as you, it’s time for a change. Nurses are on their feet all day, and like to make older patients feel comfortable by mimicking their choice in footwear. What’s your excuse?
The second rule is all about the shoe shop. If any member of staff is over 14, you are in the wrong place. Don’t worry, these youngsters are well trained. In how not to burst out laughing when a 42-year-old man asks if a pair of golden adidas might be trying too hard.
Also, if you can hear yourself think, try another shop. The price of buying young shoes these days is that you can’t get Rihanna’s latest song out of your head. That’s manageable, as long as you don’t sing along to it. (Seriously, don’t.)
The third rule is for the women. Just because Victoria Beckham, right, wears something, doesn’t make it right. The reason for this is simple. She’s 42. In other words, you are just growing old with her. She might as well be Twiggy, but with thinner arms.
Here’s a test, if you think you are not aping Victoria Beckham. Stand in front of the mirror. Are you wearing white leather sneakers and navy trousers that just about make it to your lower shin? You are, aren’t you? Granted, you’re not wearing a T-shirt saying “I’m getting this dressing young thing all wrong”. But that’s only because you don’t need to.
So it’s time to find a younger role model. Kate Middleton is a good choice here. Her latest choices often hit the high street within a week. Which is only slightly less than the age of the people making them in China, says you, buying them anyway.