THE SHOES

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - WORLD EXCLUSIVE -

Noth­ing says I’m an­cient faster than the wrong pair of shoes. A cou­ple of sim­ple rules will see you right.

The first is non-ne­go­tiable. If you see an on-duty nurse wear­ing the same shoes as you, it’s time for a change. Nurses are on their feet all day, and like to make older pa­tients feel com­fort­able by mim­ick­ing their choice in footwear. What’s your ex­cuse?

The sec­ond rule is all about the shoe shop. If any mem­ber of staff is over 14, you are in the wrong place. Don’t worry, these young­sters are well trained. In how not to burst out laugh­ing when a 42-year-old man asks if a pair of golden adi­das might be try­ing too hard.

Also, if you can hear your­self think, try an­other shop. The price of buy­ing young shoes these days is that you can’t get Ri­hanna’s lat­est song out of your head. That’s man­age­able, as long as you don’t sing along to it. (Se­ri­ously, don’t.)

The third rule is for the women. Just be­cause Vic­to­ria Beck­ham, right, wears some­thing, doesn’t make it right. The rea­son for this is sim­ple. She’s 42. In other words, you are just grow­ing old with her. She might as well be Twiggy, but with thin­ner arms.

Here’s a test, if you think you are not ap­ing Vic­to­ria Beck­ham. Stand in front of the mir­ror. Are you wear­ing white leather sneak­ers and navy trousers that just about make it to your lower shin? You are, aren’t you? Granted, you’re not wear­ing a T-shirt say­ing “I’m get­ting this dress­ing young thing all wrong”. But that’s only be­cause you don’t need to.

So it’s time to find a younger role model. Kate Mid­dle­ton is a good choice here. Her lat­est choices of­ten hit the high street within a week. Which is only slightly less than the age of the peo­ple mak­ing them in China, says you, buy­ing them any­way.

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