STOP THE MU­SIC

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - WORLD EXCLUSIVE -

Pop quiz. Have you ever said, “I can’t be­lieve you never heard of The Stone Roses” to a per­son un­der 20? Then con­sider this. Un­cle Noel. Re­mem­ber how much you pitied him when he made you lis­ten to his Horslips’ al­bums. And not just be­cause he’d play air gui­tar af­ter a few pints. Well, that’s you now, with your 40-some­thing ad­dic­tion to Brit­pop.

You are no longer ‘mad for it’. Even Jarvis Cocker isn’t go­ing around forc­ing peo­ple to lis­ten to Pulp. That’s be­cause he’s still cool and you’re an ac­coun­tant. Here’s the best bit of ad­vice you’ll get all day. Once you pass 40, any opin­ion you have on mu­sic is just em­bar­rass­ing for ev­ery­one. So keep it to your­self.

The ex­cep­tion is your Spo­tify playlists. You’ll have to share them or peo­ple will sus­pect they are full of REO Speed­wagon.

It might be an idea to re­name some playlists be­fore you share. Par­tic­u­larly the one called ‘for shag­ging’. No one needs to know that by Salt-N-Pepa is what gets you in the mood.

You might want to change the songs on there as well. A playlist with Oa­sis, Ash, U2, Blur and St Eti­enne is like a T-shirt say­ing ‘I’m 47’. The temp­ta­tion is to mix in some songs from Lady Gaga and Drake. In which case the T-shirt will read ‘I’m try­ing too hard’.

There is only one so­lu­tion. Nina Si­mone, above. Nina on the playlist is a fan­tas­tic way for a man to trick a woman into think­ing he has feel­ings. Never mind that 90pc of Nina’s mu­sic is more mis­er­able than a week­end in Por­tar­ling­ton. That doesn’t mat­ter to a mid­dle-aged man. Not when his new girl­friend is 27.

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