NUTELLA IN RIO

Call­ing for a Dail en­quiry into the diet of those O’Dono­van boys, Mau­rice Gueret has plans for more Olympic medals

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - RUDE HEALTH - Dr Mau­rice Gueret is edi­tor of the ‘Ir­ish Med­i­cal Direc­tory’ dr­mau­ricegueret.com

achieved in Ire­land. Why is this? Well I have a the­ory about it. And it is some­thing to do with wink-and-favour pol­i­tics. Just like health and ed­u­ca­tion in Ire­land, the sys­tem is founded on po­lit­i­cal pa­tron­age. It’s pre­cisely why we have fail­ing hos­pi­tals and medi­ocre schools in ev­ery parish. Those who pull like dogs on the lapels of min­is­ters and their po­lit­i­cal par­ties get the fund­ing. Per­for­mance doesn’t en­ter into it. Lot­tery funds are per­son­ally ap­proved by min­is­ters, and handed out like Con­fir­ma­tion money. And those who con­trol many sports in Ire­land seem to be in jobs for life. It may not be a very sport­ing view, but it’s high time we looked at the per­for­mance of those who con­trol sport rather than our ath­letes, who can only give their best. plain old el­bow bump. I like Pop­eye el­bow best. It hints at lots of mus­cles. But the truth is that a bursa is a closed purse of soft flesh with some fluid in­side it. We have them near most of the ma­jor joints of the body, but the ones that cause most trou­ble are those close to the knees and el­bows. They can get ir­ri­tated or in­fected, which is when doc­tors use the term bur­si­tis. My own per­sonal treat­ment is wait and see. Ev­ery day, I ex­am­ine the swelling for any change in size and try to gauge its tem­per­a­ture on the back of my hand. I’ll re­port any de­te­ri­o­ra­tion to you on the road to Tokyo. Spare a thought for an eye spe­cial­ist at the fa­mous Moor­fields Hospi­tal in Lon­don, who re­ported him­self to the UK’s Gen­eral Med­i­cal Coun­cil for ‘cross­ing bound­aries’. The oph­thalmic sur­geon once suc­cess­fully treated a gen­tle­man for cataracts, and the pa­tient later made con­tact with him, ex­press­ing an in­ter­est in the sur­geon’s on­line blog and char­ity work. The two ar­ranged to meet for a drink, and sure one thing led to an­other, which led to a 15-month re­la­tion­ship. Alas, they didn’t part eye to eye, and af­ter a se­ries of an­gry emails, the pa­tient told hospi­tal man­age­ment. This sum­mer, a Med­i­cal Prac­ti­tion­ers Tri­bunal re­ceived glow­ing tes­ti­monies from nurs­ing and char­ity col­leagues of the sur­geon. They heard about his ‘magic fin­gers’ and ‘en­vi­able hands’ and de­cided that though what he did was wrong, his case was ex­cep­tional, and it would not be in the pub­lic in­ter­est to sus­pend him. The case brought to mind the fa­mous

Good­ness Gra­cious Me

duet of Peter Sell­ers and Sophia Loren, where a wealthy Ital­ian lady and her In­dian physi­cian se­duce each other. The song was used to pub­li­cise

but never ac­tu­ally ap­peared in the movie. The doc­tor says: “

Mil­lion­airess You’ll be so glad to hear/ That both your eye­balls are so clear/That I can pos­i­tively swear that you are well.”

If you have eyes to see/The face that makes my pulses race/Is right in front of me.”

replies: “

The

And the pa­tient Guid­ance for Ir­ish doc­tors is as fol­lows. “Pa­tients who seek med­i­cal help should be able to trust that you will be con­cerned only with giv­ing care, ad­vice and treat­ment, and will not use your po­si­tion for per­sonal ad­van­tage. You should make sure that you main­tain pro­fes­sional re­la­tion­ships with pa­tients, re­spect­ing their pri­vacy and dig­nity. You must not use your pro­fes­sional po­si­tion to form a re­la­tion­ship of a sex­ual, in­ap­pro­pri­ate emo­tional or ex­ploita­tive na­ture with a pa­tient, or their part­ner, or with a close rel­a­tive of the pa­tient.” That’s pretty straight ad­vice, no mat­ter how rose-tinted or clear your eye­balls are.

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