Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Life - - HOMEWARD BOUND -

The ex­perts reckon drones will rev­o­lu­tionise every­thing from re­tail to emer­gency-re­sponse ser­vices. We think most peo­ple will buy one to see if your one in num­ber 36 is still sun­bathing top­less out the back.

For the unini­ti­ated, a drone is not re­lated to dron­ing on. We’re not sug­gest­ing you go out and buy the priest who gave the ser­mon at your brother’s wed­ding. A drone is like a re­mote­con­trol he­li­copter, of­ten with a cam­era at­tached for your in­ner snoop. So no more bounc­ing on the child’s tram­po­line out the back gar­den in a frankly creepy man­ner.

Ama­zon are cur­rently pi­lot­ing drone de­liv­ery, so there is a good chance that your drone will be de­liv­ered by a drone. Don’t con­tem­plate this if you are the type to pick ‘spe­cial’ mush­rooms from west­fac­ing hills in early Septem­ber. You’ ll end up think­ing about it for hours.

This might be bet­ter than think­ing about the mod­ern world. Drones aren’t ev­ery­where yet. They are still con­fined to the kind of men who have strong opin­ions on the fu­ture of (Avoid at all costs.)

This won’t last. The nerdy bil­lion­aires who con­trol our lives won’t stop un­til the sky is black with our per­sonal drones. You can protest against this if you like, but the nerds will prob­a­bly can­cel your Face­book ac­count, and, with it, your life.

There is one ac­tiv­ity bound to flour­ish off the back of this drone boom. Treat­ing Delu­sions of Grandeur. It’s an ac­tual med­i­cal con­di­tion that is bound to get worse when you spend all day on the phone say­ing, “Don’t worry, I’ ll send my drone around”. Good luck not adding ‘old chap’ to the end of that sen­tence.

Worse still, Ir­ish peo­ple are genetically dis­posed to suf­fer Delu­sions of Grandeur. Two words for any­one who doubts this. Celtic Tiger.

Top Gear.

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