Trans­form­ers: The Last Knight

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Living - - CINEMA - HILARY A WHITE

Cert: 12A; Now show­ing

It’s fright­en­ing to think that Michael Bay’s Trans­form­ers films have had a to­tal box­of­fice take of nearly $4bn.

They are the movie equiv­a­lent of a bag of tan­gled-up Christ­mas lights — all soul-de­stroy­ing un­tidi­ness and faulty cir­cuitry. And Bay is noth­ing if not con­sis­tent with his fifth (and sup­pos­edly fi­nal) limp to the merch stand.

This film is de­void of ba­sic movie-mak­ing cri­te­ria — such as a nar­ra­tive course, en­gag­ing di­a­logue, char­ac­ters that trig­ger our em­pa­thy and so on. In­stead bitty ro­bots whirl about like scrapheap gy­ro­scopes, wal­lop­ing each other and recit­ing ac­tion-fig­ure one­lin­ers as the cam­era pans nau­se­at­ingly around them.

While all this mean­ing­less CGI gloop is smeared about the screen, Mark Wahlberg, Laura Had­dock and An­thony Hopkins duck and dive about. Had­dock, to boot, would seem to be poured into a tight dress solely so the cam­era can ogle her.

Trans­form­ers is one for fans of ro­bots and CGI

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