I’m not sure that she’s the one for me

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Living - - MARY O’CONOR -

I have been dat­ing a girl for a year and am still not able to de­cide as to whether I want to take things fur­ther or not.

Some­times the urge to go back to the sin­gle life is re­ally strong. Ini­tially the re­la­tion­ship was amaz­ing but grad­u­ally, after five to six months, I started los­ing in­ter­est. On the other hand she is to­tally into me and wants to take it fur­ther.

We have spo­ken about it and usu­ally we end up fight­ing so such con­ver­sa­tions are very dis­turb­ing.

I re­ally re­spect her a lot but there is some­thing miss­ing al­though I don’t know what it is.

I feel so guilty and am very anx­ious about all of this. Please make some sug­ges­tions as to what I should do.

AI ap­pre­ci­ate your hon­esty about how you are feel­ing and it re­ally doesn’t sound like this girl is the one for you. You shouldn’t be han­ker­ing after the sin­gle life while you are with her.

In­stead you should be look­ing for­ward to meet­ing her and spend­ing time with her each time you have a date.

You don’t sound like you feel any ex­cite­ment about this re­la­tion­ship, even though you had at the be­gin­ning, and that is very wor­ry­ing.

As you are still not very sure about your feel­ings it might be an idea to sug­gest that you take a break from each other and be free to date other peo­ple.

She will find this dif­fi­cult as she is so into you and she may not agree to a break. How­ever if she does you may find that you miss her more than you thought you would and want to get back to­gether.

How­ever, I al­most al­ways found in coun­selling that when peo­ple were se­ri­ously un­sure about get­ting mar­ried and still went ahead with a wed­ding there was rarely a happy ever after.

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