I’ve never been asked out on a date and I’m so lonely

Sunday Independent (Ireland) - Living - - MARY O’CONOR -

I am a 48-yearold woman and I have never been asked out by a man. I have been told that I am at­trac­tive, I have a univer­sity ed­u­ca­tion, a pen­sion­able job, nice car, apart­ment, etc. but yet no man wants me.

It breaks my heart to be sin­gle. It’s a phys­i­cal ache. I know that I am too old to have a fam­ily now but even the love of a com­mit­ted part­ner would be lovely at this stage. I ache when I see my broth­ers with their wives and chil­dren and ask my­self why has this passed me by.

I am the only sin­gle per­son at work and have been for years — so much so that I don’t even have any­thing in com­mon with my col­leagues any more as they talk about hus­bands and chil­dren.

I have been told in the past about var­i­ous men who thought I was lovely but yet they never asked me out.

I cry my­self to sleep at night and when I wake the lone­li­ness as­sails me again. I work full-time, play ten­nis, am al­ways out and about but still noth­ing.

I am ap­pre­hen­sive about try­ing in­ter­net dat­ing but con­sid­er­ing I’ve never been asked out in my life I sup­pose it couldn’t hurt. Please let me know why I’m the only woman in Ire­land to have never been asked out.

AI find this an in­cred­i­bly sad let­ter and one to which I do not have an an­swer. I have no idea why you have never been asked out by a man — I don’t even know if you are the only woman in Ire­land to whom this has hap­pened.

I am pretty sure that when this ap­pears in the news­pa­per I will get emails from lonely men ask­ing for your con­tact de­tails, be­cause I know from ex­pe­ri­ence that there are lots of men and women out there in a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion even though they may have ac­tu­ally been on dates.

On pa­per you seem to have ev­ery­thing that is nor­mally re­quired to at­tract a man and yet it hasn’t hap­pened for you.

If you were sit­ting op­po­site me I would be able to go into de­tail with you re­gard­ing your fam­ily back­ground and any­thing else that would help to give an­swers to your ques­tion. But that is not pos­si­ble so all I can do is to ask that you look for­ward rather than back­ward, and try to be pos­i­tive that some­thing will hap­pen in the fu­ture to change things for you.

In­stead of wait­ing for some­thing to hap­pen it is good for you to be proac­tive and your idea of on­line dat­ing is fine — I’ve met many cou­ples who met through the in­ter­net — but with the pro­viso that you are choosy about what sites you pick.

From what I hear lots of sites have preda­tory men who are only us­ing them for sex­ual hookups and that is far from what you want. So some­thing like Bum­ble.com which gives the woman the op­por­tu­nity to make the first move might suit you. Al­ter­na­tively, you could try It’s Just Lunch (www. it­sjustlunch.com) which is an agency that ar­ranges dates for lunch be­tween peo­ple they feel would be suited.

They op­er­ate in Cork, Gal­way, Lim­er­ick and Dublin. Nat­u­rally you would pay for the in­tro­duc­tion but we all pay for any ser­vice we use so that should not be a de­ter­rent. There are other agen­cies as well, such as Sharon Kenny’s Match­maker (www. the­match­maker.ie) if you are liv­ing in Dublin.

Al­ter­na­tively, you might con­sider tak­ing up a new hobby or sport where you can meet new peo­ple. It’s all about mak­ing some changes in your life.

There is no shame in be­ing alone and lots of peo­ple choose to be sin­gle and are very happy and ful­filled, but you very much want a part­ner. I do hope that things work out for you. You can con­tact Mary O’conor anony­mously by vis­it­ing www.dear­mary.ie or email her at dear­mary@in­de­pen­dent.ie or write c/o 27-32 Tal­bot St, Dublin 1.

All cor­re­spon­dence will be treated in con­fi­dence. Mary O’conor re­grets that she is un­able to an­swer any ques­tions pri­vately

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