Fickle EU loves and leaves us

Aplayer is a man who’s really good at making girls think he’s into them, but then starts messing with their heads and toying with their affections. That’s a bit like Ireland’s relationship with the EU right now. First they love bombed us, sending Guy Verhofstadt, the European Parliament’s representative in the Brexit talks, to Dublin to assure us that we were special and that Europe would always be there for us.

Now they turn round and kick us in the teeth by taking Ireland to the European Court of Justice to demand that we recover €13bn from Apple, or else.

Poor old Leo Varadkar mustn’t know what hit him. The Taoiseach called the move “unwarranted”. He called it “extremely disappointing”. But you could tell all he really wanted to say was: “Lads, lads, what’s going on? This is me, Leo. I thought we had something special?”

All he needs next is for Justin Trudeau to stop returning his texts, and he’ll never trust anyone again.