Isabelle Traber

Mother to Oliver, 5; and Lewis, 3 (seated) in May

“I think society puts new mothers under huge pressure: to go back to work as quickly as possible; to be at home with the child; to lose all the baby weight, and so on and on”

My sister had her second baby a few weeks before I had Oliver. We are very close, and she gave me a lot of advice. That said, I definitely underestimated the effect of sleep deprivation and never thought it would go on for so long. Being heavily sleep-deprived and then confronted with cranky children needs a lot of mental strength!

Nor did I take into account all the worrying that comes with having a child. I find myself to be much more emotional; I let things get too close to me. I went through a phase when I found it hard to read newspapers as I would be so upset — all the scary stories really got to me. I had to make the decision to just ignore them and use common sense.

Once I had Lewis, there was hardly any time for myself any more, but I definitely felt more confident and relaxed the second time. I didn’t panic or stress as much. When Lewis was only a few days old, I developed a very high fever and had to be hospitalised for a few days. I felt absolutely miserable and weak, but there was still this tiny person that needed me to care for him 24/7. Despite being totally overwhelmed by the situation, my natural instincts just kicked in. I found strength I never knew I had, and it is my two boys that have given it to me.

That said, I found that I only started to be happily balanced when I took advantage of my support network. At first, I wanted to do everything on my own, and that made me very tired and stressed. It took me a long time to accept help, but once I did, my life changed for the better.

I think society puts new mothers under huge pressure: to go back to work as quickly as possible; to be at home with the child; to lose all the baby weight, and so on and on. I feel very lucky that I bounced back into shape quite quickly after both pregnancies. My mother was the same. So I never felt pressure when it came to my size; the only thing I was concerned about was looking tired. But there is always some part of society that judges the way you choose to live your life. You just have to be confident and do what is right for you and your family.

I still model, but my main job is looking after the children. My first job back was just a couple of months after Oliver was born, and I was excited, as I always loved modelling. But after I had Lewis, I didn’t feel ready to go back to work until much later. I was lucky that I was in a position to be able to stay at home with my two boys.

Maternal guilt is part of being a mother — you love your child so much, you just want the best for him or her. I am with my boys every day, and even so, I feel guilty if I can’t spend enough quality time with them because I am tired, or if I feel they haven’t eaten a balanced meal, etc. The list is neverending; at the end of the day, you do the best you can.

Motherhood, for me, is all the fun and giggles I have with the boys, seeing them smile and laugh, and, of course, all the snuggles. My boys are entering a really fun stage now, and I can’t wait to travel more with them, do fun family activities and make wonderful memories.”