Coronation Street’s Nick declared to Eva on Monday: ‘I don’t do mad, vindictive women.’ This isn’t true. In fact, Weatherfield is packed with them, as Tyrone discovered following Kirsty’s attack on him. Mary, too, is barking (remember how she ruined Hayley’s wedding day?) and let’s not forget Kylie, Tracy and Rosie. There aren’t enough straitjackets on the planet to contain the madness gathered here. And the problem isn’t confined to Weatherfield. Eastenders’ Stella tortured young Ben before falling to her death (mind you, given his recent behaviour, I’m beginning to think he deserved everything he got); Lucy is a devil child, while Janine is psychotic – and possibly even a murderer.
The return of Val in Emmerdale reminds us just how crazy she can be, and on Monday she meets her match in Alicia, who reveals herself to be decidedly unhinged.
In Hollyoaks, female madness sometimes runs in entire families. The Mcqueen clan would not look out of place in a remake of The Shining and then there’s Mitzeee, who has the conscience of a flea. Of course, soapland is not without its mad men, too; Coronation Street has had more serial killers than Death Row, and any man with the surname Mitchell in Eastenders should be put on medication the second they leave the womb.