ANNE GILDEA

Here’s to my first golden-oldies’ hol

The Irish Mail on Sunday - TV Week - - NEWS - Anne.gildea@mailon­sun­day.ie

guy at the desk, and he said, ‘You have to take a ticket first.’ So I went over to the dis­penser, took a ticket — num­ber 31 — and looked up; the notice board showed num­ber 31, so I walk straight back to him. ‘This is like a com­edy sketch!’ I said to him. Well, it made me laugh.

Then I’d been talk­ing with my sis­ter and a friend about book­ing a hol­i­day. We’d been hum­ming and haw­ing over cost, and time off, and af­ter that I said, ‘Oh feck it, life is short. Come on!’ So we booked the last three seats on a flight to Crete in Septem­ber, with some ridicu­lously low- price in­ci­dent’. Then we cal­cu­lated that those men would be push­ing 80 now, and such sit­u­a­tions prob­a­bly won’t be a prob­lem. They’d have to be com­ing at us on Zim­mer frames. ‘Would rec­om­mend it to Nan, not friends,’ an­other re­view of our ac­com­mo­da­tion said. Sounds about right, then.

Later we were talk­ing about that aw­ful case in Eng­land of the man with locked-in syn­drome who was re­fused the right to die in a court case re­cently. I think it’s ap­palling, but my friend Michelle ar­gued that the le­gal sys­tem is in a bind be­cause ‘of the prece­dent it might set’. ‘What, so we’re in Greece, you and Una smother me, and after­wards it’s a case of, “Oh sorry, we thought she had lockedin syn­drome — we didn’t re­alise it was just a bad han­gover?”’ I won that ar­gu­ment, I think.

And then my sis and I went to see the hit com­edy Ted, about a guy whose best buddy is his talk­ing child­hood teddy bear. What a bril­liant con­ceit. What a hor­ri­ble film! Sex­ist — all the women in it are size zero and fall­ing into the ‘I just want to get mar­ried’ good-girl cat­e­gory or ‘out-and-out whore’ bracket, with un­der­ly­ing nar­ra­tive ho­mo­pho­bia and diss­ing of mi­nori­ties and low-wage work­ers.

Over pints af­ter, I ranted at my sis­ter about the sin­is­ter ide­ol­ogy I al­ways see un­der­pin­ning such films, an Amer­i­can ‘get rich or die try­ing’, sex­ist, ma­cho aggressiveness. I told her about when I went to the Dublin pre­miere of a sim­i­lar film, GrownUps... All the male mil­lion­aire stars, in­clud­ing Adam San­dler and Chris Rock, were cor­ralled in a cor­ner at the af­ter-party, and their ‘su­per-rich on the back of prop­a­gat­ing such rub­bish’ ar­ro­gance re­ally ir­ri­tated me. So I went up to Chris Rock and said, ‘That film is ex­e­crable and your part in it be­neath you,’ and a big se­cu­rity guy said to me ‘Move away!’ ‘Yeah, move away from the truth’, I said to Una.

‘I don’t get the ide­ol­ogy bit — they’re just bad films,’ she said. Maybe I just re­ally do need that hol­i­day in our ‘Nan-friendly’ re­sort...

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