JACI STEPHEN’S ul­ti­mate in­sight into the week’s soaps

The Irish Mail on Sunday - TV Week - - SOAP WATCH -

And so, as John Len­non, sang, ‘This is Christ­mas’, although, in soa­p­land, war is never over. Dur­ing the com­ing week, the civil wars that take place in Weather­field, Wal­ford and Em­merdale ev­ery year, hit their peak with the usual rounds of in­fight­ing. On Christ­mas Day in Corona­tion Street, David and Callum come to blows, while Gary takes out his frus­tra­tion on one of Faye’s presents. In EastEn­ders, Linda is a wreck, Shirley is won­der­ing whether Sylvie will re­veal her big se­cret, and a drunken Dean looks set to cause trou­ble, too.

Will Em­merdale break the mis­er­able Christ­mas habit and de­liver a lovely wed­ding be­tween Katie and Andy, ten years after their first one, or will Robert put a span­ner in the works? Or will Ber­nice put her own prover­bial span­ner in, when she turns up drunk at the church? I tell you, th­ese nup­tials look like be­ing a ver­i­ta­ble tool­box of dis­as­ters.

As I’ve said, it’s al­co­hol and sex that dom­i­nate the fes­tiv­i­ties, in­vari­ably with the for­mer lead­ing to the lat­ter. Why any­one even both­ers to buy a turkey is beyond me. There’s only one use for a carv­ing knife in soa­p­land on Christ­mas Day, and it’s noth­ing to do with poul­try.

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