JACI STEPHEN’S ultimate insight into the week’s soaps
hile the rest of us enter the New Year with optimism, the residents of soapland will be approaching it with trepidation and, in some cases, utter dread. Coronation Street’s David was left to contemplate the year without his wife, and his altercation with Callum does not bode well for the future of his marriage. Steve, too, is facing more misery with his financial secret out in the open and hearing Michelle has consigned him to her past.
Nothing less than jaw reconstruction can usually raise a smile on Denise’s face in EastEnders, and her New Year was marred by her realisation that she can’t cope with looking after Patrick. Oh, just pour another bottle of rum down his throat; he’ll be a lot easier to deal with if he’s unconscious.
Emmerdale’s Robert and Belle both entered 2015 in as messed-up a state as always, but at least there was some good news for Finn, who found his mother... Don’t expect happy new beginnings on that front, though.
And so, ring out the old, ring in the new – the same, only different. Sex, drugs and very littlettle rock ’n’ roll. We wouldn’t have it anyy other way.y Can anyone remember what Lucy looked like? More to the point, does anybody still care? It’s hard to believe we’ve entered 2015 and are still no closer to the big revelation. This week, Carol is amazed to see Max ripping up information about the investigation, and Lauren also becomes suspicious about her father’s behaviour. Unable to speak to Peter, she confides in Stacey, of all people. The walking foghorn. Brilliant! Could Max be involved in Lucy’s murder? Later, Lauren heads off with a reluctant Stacey to confront Max (See what I mean? Walking foghorn). It’s clear the quality of the police has declined since the Krays roamed the East End of London, but at this rate we’ll all be dead before the killer is unmasked. Maybe Doctor Who did it. Yes, I care that much now.
Kat’s money worries escalate and she can’t afford her rent. Devising a plan, she visits Alfie, and has some surprising news for him (above). Don’t expect it to be the promisei of f a new shirt.hi I reallyll wish ih theh BBC would increase the costume department’s budget. It’s only a matter of time before Alfie needs string to keep those ancient shirt buttons fastened.
Stacey is in for a shock when she discovers Kat in bed with a stranger. Quite why she is so shocked is anyone’s guess; Kat’s adventures in the sex trade are about as predictable as Alfie wearing the same shirt since 1989. But when Stacey tries to get to the bottom of what is really wrong, what will she find? And what does it mean for the future of Kat and Alfie’s marriage? Where to start. For most of us, Christmas time throws a few cats amongst the pigeons but nothing like what seems to be happening in Fair City.
Poor Robbie – his practical joke on Yvonne and Carol goes horribly wrong, spelling disastrous consequences unless Dan (below, with Robbie) can pull the finger out and come to their aid. They’ll all regret this one – as if festive cooking wasn’t explosive enough for these numpties.
Then there’s Paul and Nicola, who are knocked off kilter by the arrival of Clar to the Brennans’, but a revelation is on the way that will go some way to relieving the tension between those two. (About bloody time, says you). The other end of the life spectrum falls to Pete and Jackie, who leave for London for a formal identification of Neil, which won’t be a barrel of laughs we’re assuming. Nobody has bothered to tell Decco, whose nose is put out of joint when he sees them being supportive of each other through the ordeal. Meanwhile, falling out with Ray makes for a sad farewell for Mondo.
BABY, IT’S COLD (FEET) OUTSIDE Remember these plots that had us hooked?