JACI STEPHEN’S ul­ti­mate in­sight into the week’s soaps

The Irish Mail on Sunday - TV Week - - SEVEN DAYS -

hile the rest of us en­ter the New Year with op­ti­mism, the res­i­dents of soa­p­land will be ap­proach­ing it with trep­i­da­tion and, in some cases, ut­ter dread. Corona­tion Street’s David was left to con­tem­plate the year with­out his wife, and his al­ter­ca­tion with Callum does not bode well for the fu­ture of his mar­riage. Steve, too, is fac­ing more mis­ery with his fi­nan­cial se­cret out in the open and hear­ing Michelle has con­signed him to her past.

Noth­ing less than jaw re­con­struc­tion can usu­ally raise a smile on Denise’s face in EastEn­ders, and her New Year was marred by her re­al­i­sa­tion that she can’t cope with look­ing after Pa­trick. Oh, just pour another bot­tle of rum down his throat; he’ll be a lot eas­ier to deal with if he’s un­con­scious.

Em­merdale’s Robert and Belle both en­tered 2015 in as messed-up a state as al­ways, but at least there was some good news for Finn, who found his mother... Don’t ex­pect happy new begin­nings on that front, though.

And so, ring out the old, ring in the new – the same, only dif­fer­ent. Sex, drugs and very lit­tlet­tle rock ’n’ roll. We wouldn’t have it anyy other way.y Can any­one re­mem­ber what Lucy looked like? More to the point, does any­body still care? It’s hard to be­lieve we’ve en­tered 2015 and are still no closer to the big rev­e­la­tion. This week, Carol is amazed to see Max rip­ping up in­for­ma­tion about the in­ves­ti­ga­tion, and Lau­ren also be­comes sus­pi­cious about her fa­ther’s be­hav­iour. Un­able to speak to Peter, she con­fides in Stacey, of all peo­ple. The walk­ing foghorn. Bril­liant! Could Max be in­volved in Lucy’s mur­der? Later, Lau­ren heads off with a re­luc­tant Stacey to con­front Max (See what I mean? Walk­ing foghorn). It’s clear the qual­ity of the po­lice has de­clined since the Krays roamed the East End of London, but at this rate we’ll all be dead be­fore the killer is un­masked. Maybe Doc­tor Who did it. Yes, I care that much now.

Kat’s money wor­ries es­ca­late and she can’t af­ford her rent. De­vis­ing a plan, she vis­its Al­fie, and has some sur­pris­ing news for him (above). Don’t ex­pect it to be the promi­sei of f a new shirt.hi I re­al­lyll wish ih theh BBC would in­crease the cos­tume depart­ment’s bud­get. It’s only a mat­ter of time be­fore Al­fie needs string to keep those an­cient shirt but­tons fas­tened.

Stacey is in for a shock when she dis­cov­ers Kat in bed with a stranger. Quite why she is so shocked is any­one’s guess; Kat’s ad­ven­tures in the sex trade are about as pre­dictable as Al­fie wear­ing the same shirt since 1989. But when Stacey tries to get to the bot­tom of what is re­ally wrong, what will she find? And what does it mean for the fu­ture of Kat and Al­fie’s mar­riage? Where to start. For most of us, Christ­mas time throws a few cats amongst the pi­geons but noth­ing like what seems to be hap­pen­ing in Fair City.

Poor Rob­bie – his prac­ti­cal joke on Yvonne and Carol goes hor­ri­bly wrong, spell­ing dis­as­trous con­se­quences un­less Dan (be­low, with Rob­bie) can pull the fin­ger out and come to their aid. They’ll all re­gret this one – as if fes­tive cook­ing wasn’t ex­plo­sive enough for th­ese nump­ties.

Then there’s Paul and Ni­cola, who are knocked off kil­ter by the ar­rival of Clar to the Bren­nans’, but a rev­e­la­tion is on the way that will go some way to re­liev­ing the ten­sion be­tween those two. (About bloody time, says you). The other end of the life spec­trum falls to Pete and Jackie, who leave for London for a for­mal iden­ti­fi­ca­tion of Neil, which won’t be a bar­rel of laughs we’re as­sum­ing. No­body has both­ered to tell Decco, whose nose is put out of joint when he sees them be­ing sup­port­ive of each other through the or­deal. Mean­while, fall­ing out with Ray makes for a sad farewell for Mondo.

BABY, IT’S COLD (FEET) OUT­SIDE Re­mem­ber th­ese plots that had us hooked?

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