What a lovely TV couple Kym Marsh and I would ma ke... watch this space!
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9
I appeared on Sharon Osbourne’s female panel show The Talk in Los Angeles today.
James Corden was the other guest, something I discovered as I passed his dressing room and heard him bellow: ‘YODA!’
He’s called me that ever since I gave him some advice during a period in his life when his career suddenly started tanking and he was savaged by the media.
Now he’s king of late-night US TV and has been asked to host the Grammys.
‘I need you to suffer some Morgan-style global humiliation soon,’ I said.
‘I know, I know,’ he guffawed. ‘I’ll crash and burn soon, don’t worry.’
‘Just fall over on national TV or something?’ I replied.
‘For you, Yoda – anything!’ he laughed again, with a slight glint in his eye.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12
Corden appeared at the top of a flight of stairs for his Grammys opening, and promptly tripped and tumbled down them.
For one glorious second, I thought my dream had come true.
Then he sprang up again, smirked at the camera and carried on dancing.
It was a brilliant joke. Albeit, almost certainly at my expense.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14
I’m in Florida for my TV series, Killer Women. Tonight, after a gruelling day grilling murderesses in a maximum security prison, the crew and I had drinks in our hotel bar. I was swiftly clocked by a large group of rowdy, drunken Americans. ‘Hey! You’re Hugh Grant, right?’ yelled one.
‘No,’ I replied, tersely, and turned back to my crew.
‘This can only get worse if they guess Jeremy Clarkson next,’ I sighed. It got worse.
‘No, wait, you’re the guy from TOP GEAR!’ shrieked another of the Americans.
The crew fell about, and soon after, I fell into bed. On balance, I’ve had more enjoyable Valentine’s Days.
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 20
Radio presenter Steve Hewlett has died from cancer at the age of 58.
I was Steve’s very last Media Show interviewee, for a special that aired on December 28 about my life in journalism.
We met several weeks before and it was touch and go whether he’d be well enough to make it.
But he did, and you’d never have known how sick he was from the way he forensically dissected my career, good, bad and ugly.
It was a typical Hewlett interview: expertly researched, skilfully executed, warm in the right places, tough when he needed to be.
Afterwards, we chatted about his illness and Steve was remarkably cheerful, and determinedly optimistic about a new clinical trial he was applying for.
‘I’ll try anything to beat this bloody thing,’ he said.
Sadly, that bloody thing prevailed just a few weeks later.
Steve was a journalist’s journalist; someone who loved scoops and stories but who most loved getting to the truth of a story. The media world will miss him enormously.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26
I can’t think of anyone better to handle the fall-out from tonight’s Oscars cock-up than Warren Beatty.
I got to know him a few years ago after Dustin Hoffman introduced us in front of Jack Nicholson at a basketball game (is that my greatest name-dropping sentence ever?).
He’s a true Hollywood legend; the only person in history to have been twice nominated in four different Academy Awards categories for the same film – first, Heaven Can Wait, and then, Reds.
He’s also known as Hollywood’s greatest swordsman, having reputedly bedded 10,000 ladies at the height of his heart-throb status.
To his amusement, I was living at the time in his old rooftop suite at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in LA, where he spent the Seventies and carried out most of his rampant womanising.
Time waits for no lothario though, and I witnessed him suffer an indignity almost as bad as tonight’s at a pre-Oscars lunch several years ago when I introduced Warren to my 5ft 10in, blonde goddaughter.
Gabby had never heard of Mr Beatty and cared even less about what this ‘old dude’ had to say about life and the universe.
After 20 minutes or so, she suddenly spied Eddie Redmayne walking past outside.
‘OH MY GOD! IT’S EDDIE!’ she screamed, almost fainting with shock and demanding we give chase.
Warren, who used to have this effect on every woman he ever met, and just shrugged his shoulders and chuckled. I suspect his reaction to Envelope-gate will be just the same.
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 27
Last year, I expressed a desire to appear in Coronation Street as Kym Marsh’s love interest. ‘I’d have a fight with Steve in The Rovers and then Michelle and I would slink off down the cobbles for a bit of how’s your father,’ I told her on Good Morning Britain.
‘You’re NEVER going to be my love interest, Piers,’ she declared, emphatically, ‘on or off screen.’
Now, Steve’s been exposed as a cheating rat and father of Michelle’s mate Leanne’s baby. So when Kym appeared back on GMB today, I tried my luck again.
‘You and Steve are obviously going to break up over the love child,’ I said. ‘So, you’re going to want to turn to a comfortable pair of slippers… me.’
Kym began giggling, then said: ‘Actually, I would like to see that happen…’
Minutes later, the official Coronation Street Twitter account posted: ‘We can see it now, what a lovely couple they’d make.’
Watch this space.