The Irish Mail on Sunday

SMOKES & DAGGERS

A mischievou­s mix of (mostly) news

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SOME online headlines yesterday dealing with the royal wedding decided to show how right-on they were. ‘Internatio­nal human rights lawyer Amal Clooney arrived wearing a bright Stella McCartney yellow dress, with her husband alongside,’ read the Guardian’s sniffy report. The Chicago Tribune rolled out: ‘Northweste­rn graduate marrying British guy.’ Smokes did enjoy the Sun’s ‘I’m getting Harryed in the morning’, beside a beaming picture of Meghan. THE Royal wedding led Senator David Norris, pictured, to reminisce on the wedding of Princess Margaret in 1960, which coincideed with an ESB strike. ‘The women of Ireland ganged up and forced the ESB workers back for two hours so they could watch the royal wedding. It was marvellous,’ he said. NORRIS had an awful lot more to say. Ireland should remember its connection to the royal family, he said. ‘The Queen, her gracious majesty by Godordaine­d, is three times directly descended from Brian Boru, once from Hugh O’Neill, rebel Earl of Tyrone, and Prince Harry is also a descendent of the Roches of Cork. We have, therefore, a direct Irish interest in the royal wedding. It is a bit of fun, it is pageantry. It is a real soap opera. People are going to be on tenterhook­s to see if daddy turns up or if he will be doing another gig with the paparazzi.’ Asked by Jerry Buttimer if he had received an invite to the wedding of the year, Norris said no: ‘Our connection with the royal family ceased with my late uncle but I am still devoted.’And he boasted: ‘I did get to Princess Anne’s 60th birthday party in Buckingham Palace.’ Micheál Martin quizzed the Taoiseach about the cervical cancer scandal, asking if there were any disciplina­ry processes under way. Leo Varadkar responded: ‘There are no disciplina­ry processes under way that I am aware of. Not being the employer, however, I may not necessaril­y be aware of them for obvious reasons.’ Sounds like Leo’s version of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. DANNY HEALY-RAE, pictured, has strong views on hedgerows. He told a Dáil committee: ‘We have a scenario here now where deputies are complainin­g that roadside hedges shouldn’t be cut because you’ll be destroying habitats or whatever for birds nesting. I say here again today, chairman: I don’t believe that birds are so foolish to make their nests on the side of a busy road or on the side of any one. They have the entire countrysid­e wide [to do so]. Again I say, I have nothing against birds or anything like that. But to think our roadside hedges can’t be cut is prepostero­us to me.’

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