PAR­LEZ-VOUS POP?

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - COVER STORY -

Se­lected ex­tracts from the Popjus­tice dic­tionary. Amaz­ing Records By Dread­ful Artists Re­cent ex­am­ples in­clude Ra­zorlight’s In The Morn­ing and Paris Hil­ton’s Stars Are Blind. Brian Molko The sound of all things bad. Prob­a­bly what Satan plays if he’s hav­ing an “I hate the world” day. Weasel-faced pip­squeak to be avoided at all costs. Buzz Band The most hope­less new band you will hear this week. Do not worry that they will ever trou­ble any chart – ever. CD:UK Al­most got right ev­ery­thing lat­ter day Top of the Pops got so very wrong. Al­most. But even “kooky” Lauren Lav­erne couldn’t save this sink­ing ship. Cheeky Girls Tran­syl­va­nian twin pop tartlets, pos­si­ble nieces of Count Drac­ula. In their quest for fame they whored them­selves out to re­al­ity TV un­til they brain­washed some poor soul into giv­ing them a record con­tract. 5ive Many of the orig­i­nal body parts can still be found to­day on ebay. They usu­ally re­tail for be­tween £7 and £10. Nelly Fur­tado – do­ing a To alien­ate all your fans by re­leas­ing a folk-in­spired sopho­more album, only then to rein­vent your­self as an ur­ban queen cre­at­ing chav an­thems ev­ery­where you go. Paris Hil­ton Cloven-footed heiress whose dad can af­ford to make her a pop star, if only so her mind is on other things than mak­ing any more squeak­ing on an­other porn tape. Pussy­cat Dolls Five rea­sons why dancers usu­ally stay quite near the back of pop videos. “This is our next sin­gle” This is of­ten not the case. As all too of­ten there never is a ‘next sin­gle’ and ev­ery­one, apart from the one say­ing th­ese ill-fated words, is well aware of this.

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