Chip­munks: they won’t kill you

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - Filmreviews -

ALVIN AND THE CHIP­MUNKS: THE SQUEAK WELL Di­rected by Betty Thomas. Star­ring Zachary Levi, David, Ja­son Lee, Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler G cert, gen release (opens Mon­day), 90 min

I’VE GOT a ques­tion. Are the fe­male chip­munks sup­posed to be the boy chip­munks’ girl­friends, or do the chaps think of them as sis­ters?

I ask be­cause early on in this fan­tas­ti­cally ti­tled film — Squeak well, get it? — the boy ro­dents, rock stars who have been forced to spend time in high school, no­tice The Chipettes (their pro­fes­sional name) sashay­ing down the corridor and, through the sheer power of lust, cause sexy mu­sic to play teas­ingly over the sound­track. You with me? That seems clear enough. Later on, how­ever, Toby, the ro­dents’ new guardian, al­lows both male and fe­male chip­munks to share the same bed­room.

Now, I know that de­based com­mu­nists run Hol­ly­wood, but this just doesn’t seem right. What’s Toby go­ing to do next? Hand out mar­i­juana “joints” and en­cour­age the crea­tures to read Harold Rob­bins nov­els to one an­other?

“Why bother wor­ry­ing about moral de­gen­er­acy in a Chip­munks film?” I hear you say. “It’s not as if they mat­ter that much. Fox would hardly care if we pick­eted.”

That shows how much you know. The first Alvin film earned $360 mil­lion on its the­atri­cal release. Dur­ing 2007, it took in more than En­chanted, Amer­i­can Gang­ster, Knocked Up or Juno. It earned about twice as much as No Coun­try for Old Men. So, I’d get mak­ing those picket signs if I were you. Oh, hang on, I should tell you what it’s like. Well, it’s worse than the first one, though still bet­ter than your av­er­age Oliver Stone film. So, it tastes a bit nasty on the way down, but it shouldn’t ac­tu­ally kill

you.

The ro­dents re­turn: Theodore, Alvin and Si­mon

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