That’s Sem­per Fu on you, ET

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - Filmreviews -

“Hoo-Rah, Marines.” “Staff Sergeant, Sir?” “God­dammit, Marine, are you Marine or a woman? Say Hoo-Rah and give me that sta­tus re­port.”

“It’s an alien in­va­sion film, sir. It’s like an Iraq film ex­cept we can do any­thing we want to the en­emy and we get to win.”

“Marine: you are the bravest Marine I have ever known. Are there Marines in this movie?” “Yes, sir. It’s Marines vs Aliens.” “Sounds like my kind of pic­ture. How many we got?”

“A tightly knit Fugazi Marine unit with a cou­ple of civil­ian women and kids in tow.”

“Je­sus H Puffn­stuff, what the hell are these Marine chil­dren do­ing here?”

“They’re not Marine chil­dren, sir; they’re just chil­dren.”

“They’re Marine chil­dren now. You, Small Marine, are the Bravest Marine I have Ever Known.”

“Sir, we’ve just lost Lieu­tenant Can­non­fod­der and Pri­vate Eth­nic is look­ing pretty ner­vous. We may be the only hu­man re­sis­tance left.”

“Go­dammit. Can­non­fod­der was the Bravest Marine I have ever known. We gotta get Sem­per Fu on these alien moth­ers. Where in Marine hell did they come from?”

“Outer Space, Sir. Pos­si­bly the Planet Smash in the Monosodium quad­rant. They look ex­actly like the ro­bots from the com­mer­cials for the pop­u­lar de­hy­drated potato prod­uct. Ex­cept these aliens have re­ally big guns and have con­ve­niently lo­cated their com­mand cen­tre in a dan­ger­ous spot two clicks south.”

“A sui­cide mis­sion, eh? Out­stand­ing. I like those odds. Ar­range the men so that half of them will get picked off along the way. And round up a cou­ple of marines to say ‘Hoo-Rah’ as they nobly sac­ri­fice them­selves.” “Yes Sir.” “Go­dammit. They were the Bravest Marines I Have Ever Known. How do we kill these things any­how?”

“One of the civil­ians is a ve­teri­nar­ian, Staff Sergeant.”

“Marine, are you telling me that this is the kind of pic­ture where peo­ple just walk into a room and say ‘I’m a vet. I know just what to do’? Je­sus Q Lady­humps. alQaeda’s gotta be on this. May God have mercy on our Marine souls.”

“Sir, I re­ally need to be ex­cused from this de­tail. I can’t keep talk­ing like this. And be­cause of the postClover­field cam­era jit­ters I haven’t been able to fo­cus on a sin­gle ob­ject in two hours. Also, the spe­cial ef­fects are ropey. My eyes fell out 10 min­utes ago.”

“Son, you are the Bravest Marine I Have Ever Known. Re­mem­ber to shout Hoo-Rah as you blow your weak lady ass and them Smash ro­bots all to hell.”

“Yes sir, I will.”

Marine grunt Aaron Eck­hart pre­pares to get medieval on some alien moth­ers in Battle, Los An­ge­les

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