I will find you and I will tranquilise you
3 DAYS TO KILL
Directed by McG. Starring Kevin Costner, Hailee Steinfeld, Amber Heard, Connie Nielsen, Tomas Lemarquis, Richard Sammel 12A cert, 117 min
Ah, McG. Your films are as magnificent as your name is long. There is further worrying news in the credits to this tonally befuddled FrancoAmerican thriller. With Luc Besson as producer and co-writer, we can be certain that no effort will be spared to strain the audience’s credulity and stretch its tolerance for vulgarity.
An unlikely mix of Uncle Buck and The Bourne Stupidity, 3 Days to Kill stars Kevin Costner – wearing, it seems, exactly the same garments he wore in Field of Dreams – as a CIA assassin given just a few months to live. He returns home to Paris (just run with this, okay?) and attempts to build bridges with his estranged wife (Connie Nielsen) and mildly errant daughter (the ubiquitous Hailee Steinfeld).
But what’s this? A glamorous former colleague (Amber Heard) is here with an “experimental treatment” that may give Costner a few more weeks to live. There are downsides. He must emerge from retirement for one last job. Also, the drug induces hallucinations that can only be cured by a swift shot of vodka (please stay with us for another sentence or so).
Costner was surely hoping for the same boost that the Besson-produced Taken provided for Liam Neeson. Unfortunately, 3 Days is so wildly undisciplined – family humour one minute, mass slaughter the next – that no satisfactory rhythm is ever established. It’s also too long, too ugly and too contrived.
Take it away, garçon. It’s off.
Taken? Take it back, Kev