One last slog through
THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES Directed by Peter Jackson. Starring Martin Freeman, Ian Mckellen, Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Luke Evans, Benedict Cumberbatch, Ken Stott, James Nesbitt, Cate Blanchett, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Hugo Weaving, Orlando Bloom, Aidan Turner 12A cert, general release, 144 min We’re some 888 minutes into Peter Jackson’s ongoing Middle Earth sequence – 1,031 if you add up “extra footage” and “special editions” – and enough is enough.
Enough Hobbitting. Enough CG Orcs. Enough CG elves. Enough CG dwarves. Enough CG. Enough stalling, even in combat. Enough grey filter. Enough sub-Wagnerian warbling. Enough wasting Benedict Cumberbatch.
Enough reports of mistreated animals. Enough with the Dickensian-sized cast that we can hardly keep track off and who are mostly glimpsed only fleetingly. Enough with the tacked-on feminist heroines who, however well-intentioned, never feel organic to the material. Enough Cate Blanchett doing her “how now brown cow” vowels. Enough seemingly endless battle sequences. Enough last-minute eagles. Enough deferrals.
Enough cash: sneaky Hobbitses movies have grossed $1,975,370,425 to date. Enough jittery Imax Digital