#Schtick­le­back

Science: ‘ Nick­le­back are okay’. We de­mand more re­search

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - TICKET STUBS - Emily Long­worth

A re­cent study in the made- up field of “lyric in­tel­li­gence” claimed that chart mu­sic word­smiths are get­ting dumber each year, on the ba­sis of Bill­board num­ber ones from the past decade. The Amer­i­can re­view was made by a ticket sales com­pany, who used a Read­abil­ity Score to de­ter­mine what US grade- school read­ing level each track was. What’s re­ally dis­ap­point­ing is that Nick­el­back ( right) came out of the anal­y­sis look­ing al­right. They topped the In­tel­li­genceo- me­tre in the rock charts, beat­ing bands such as Soundgar­den and Me­tal­lica. Nick­el­back have since got­ten in­volved in the racket of “bring­ing disco back”; their lat­est sin­gle is re­spon­si­ble for the words: “Funky lit­tle monkey, she’s a twisted trick­ster, Every­body wants to be the sis­ter’s mis­ter, Coca- Cola roller­coaster”. This kind of stan­dard is what earned them the av­er­age read­ing level of a third- grader, the yank equiv­a­lent of our Third Class, or Rang a Trí. This is some­how smarter than ev­ery other rock artist listed. Mean­while, coun­try mu­sic has earned the ti­tle of smartest genre. The au­thor claims this is be­cause coun­try songs reg­u­larly fea­ture words such as cig­a­rette and tackle box, but prob­a­bly more con­vinc­ing is the in­dis­putable gold of song ti­tles such as If The Phone Don’t Ring You’ll Know It’s Me or Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘ Cause I’m Kiss­ing You Good­bye. In the pop charts, the IQ lev­els are re­li­ably kept down by the valiant ef­forts of T- Pain’s Buy U a Drank and the Black Eyed Peas Boom Boom Paw. How­ever, the study did not in­di­cate the sta­tis­ti­cal sig­nif­i­cance of its find­ings, so there’s still a chance that science may some­day demon­strate that Nick­el­back are ob­jec­tively aw­ful.

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