Parks and recre­ation: dino re­boots

With Juras­sic World earn­ing gazil­lions, a se­quel or three can’t be far away: here are our plot pitches

The Irish Times - Friday - The Ticket - - TICKET STUBS - Una Mul­lally

Juras­sic World be­came the first film to bring in $500 mil­lion in an open­ing week­end, and con­sid­er­ing most block­busters these days are se­quels or su­per­heroes repack­aged in new sce­nar­ios ( All Of The Avengers Again! Three Bat­men and a Superbaby), a se­quel for this dino-fran­chise feels in­evitable. But how cred­i­ble could this be? Sus­pend­ing our dis­be­lief when it comes to ge­net­i­cally mod­i­fied di­nosaurs as a fam­ily day out is one thing. But hard­nosed busi­ness­men in­vest­ing in yet another di­nosaur theme park? That’s just down­right reck­less. With that in mind, here are some po­ten­tial Juras­sic World se­quel pitches.

Juras­sic Un­der­world:

Di­nos in­vade the Elec­tric Daisy Car­ni­val in this EDM-themed young adult film star­ring Di­plo.

Juras­sic Girl:

Fe­male co-stars re­move their heels in a fem­i­nist reimag­in­ing of the fran­chise, as they team up with fe­male T-Rexes to dis­man­tle the park/ pa­tri­archy. With Rooney Mara.

Juras­sic Abyss:

James Cameron steps in for a se­quel set un­der­wa­ter ex­plor­ing the aqua-based pre­his­toric beasts in 3D. (This is ac­tu­ally a good idea, call Uni­ver­sal.)

Juras­sic Sparks:

The sem­i­nal idio­syn­cratic 1970s band pen a sur­real mu­si­cal star­ring Gior­gio Moroder as the mys­te­ri­ous park owner who just wants to dance. Or kill. We’re not sure yet.

Juras­sic Ni­cholas Sparks:

Di­nosaurs de­velop the abil­ity to write with their tiny claws and take the op­por­tu­nity to pen gush­ing love letters to each other while over­head a tragic, fiery comet closes in. Doomed dino love never seemed so nau­se­at­ing.

Juras­sic 2022:

The World Cup moves from Qatar to the more hos­pitable set­ting of a di­nosaur theme park.

Juras­sic Planet:

As­tro­naut Jason Statham heads up Nasa’s Ad­vanced Ex­plo­ration Pro­gramme only to dis­cover that the mys­te­ri­ous signs of life found in the planet he is in charge of colonis­ing are in fact space di­nosaurs slowly reemerg- ing from the sus­pended an­i­ma­tion of their icy pris­ons.

Juras­sic Rock:

Just The Rock (above) punch­ing di­nosaurs in the face for two hours. Pro­jected open­ing week­end earn­ings: $700 mil­lion.

Rock and a hard place

Only Dwayne can save us now

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